I'm hanging in there. H and I had a talk today. It went fairly well and ended on a high note I suppose.
He's got some event coming up this weekend that while it hurts me, he doesn't want me to be there. (Long story, won't bore you with it, but that's the gist) So it sucks. But I've decided to understand and realize that's just where we are now.
I told him "You have been in a bad mood this week and one of the reasons (among other things) is that you are stressing about Saturday. I feel like I've shown you, being honest with me is the better way to do things. And we can talk about things and work from there. Instead of being distant and crappy because you don't just want to come out and say what's on your mind because you think it's going to be a fight, just tell me and see what happens."
He said "How do you figure that's a good idea? If I told you I didn't want you there Saturday you would have freaked."
I said "Yes, the old me would have. But I want to point out, when you wanted to go on your gambling trip alone last month, did I freak out? Or did I tell you to have fun? Did I text and call you like crazy? Was I mad? Did I b!tch at you once?"
He said nothing. Because I was totally supportive.
I said "You were honest with me about that trip. You wanted to go alone and you wouldn't say so, but I knew it. So I called you on it. You admitted it, yes you wanted to go alone. Cool. I did not call or text you, I only responded to you. I left you alone and was happy for you. So with that, based on that whole situation, please give me some credit and assume that's how I'll be handling things from now on."
He said "Ok. I don't want you to go on Saturday."
I said "That sucks. But ok, what's your schedule for that day?" He told me and I asked "Are you going out afterward?" He said "I might." I said "Alrighty."
I also told him I need him on board. I need effort. If he's not in a good mood that day or moment ok, just say "I need some space" or whatever and take it. I told him I'd rather be alone with out him and not walking on eggshells than with him walking on eggshells. He said "Good to know".
I also gave him a gauge. I told him a time frame recently when things were rocking and rolling with us...when his efforts were tangible. I was feeling great about things. I said "That's the H I can deal with. That's the H I would like to be around. If you aren't feeling like that guy, then say so and go do something else. If you're in a bad mood but want to be around me because you think I can help, then say so. Then I would be happy to help make a bad day better. But if I can't, feel free to mope somewhere else." I said I know you can't read my mind so this I hope gives you a gauge of what I see as progress, good stuff between us and what I see as blah. He said "It does help."
So...that's life right now. He's been pretty helpful while I've been sick. I think it's more of a "kick you in the butt in the mornings, but you're fine in the afternoons" cold.
But work is going well and that's always a good thing and S is just about perfect.
