What you don't seem to understand is that you are dealing with another child right now. I don't think your wife really wants a divorce. I think she thinks she wants to do some things she never got to do because you both were so young when you had children and she's looking around at other people with less responsibilities and THINKS that's what she wants.
At this point, I would ask her to come over with all the bills and the two of you sit down and work out a bill schedule, who's responsible for what and be fair about it. Then you need to work out a child care schedule and if you both can handle it, family times too. Meaning, she has the kids on particular days and then you. Some do one week on, one week off. Some do particular days. Some do it weekly. Whatever. Figure it out and let her know you'll be only so flexible and will expect the same out of her.
By family time I mean, if you both can handle it and not act like immature jerks, you need to have something like Sunday afternoons for family time. At home, at Chucky Cheese, with other friends and their kids, but whatever it is, it's a NO FIGHTING ZONE and it's all four of you. It would be GREAT if the kids could see this. It's stability. And then this would be the time for you both to learn how to not fight and relax around each other. It's a great starting place. And right now, you need to start over. You aren't even dating yet. If this happens, you need to treat her like a mom you met at the grocery store and it's a play date. You would be cordial and nice and relaxed, not trying too hard to impress her. Get it?
When the kids are sick, all plans are canceled. NO going out socially, only work and both parents need to be around unless one is at work. Both parents pitch in because a sick child is hard. They need physically and even more emotionally.
But now, you need some order in your life, just like the kids need it. Too much chaos.
