Over the Shock and GALing 6

[tryingtilDorR]

Thinker - sorry I got a little behind on your thread but I wanted to reach back to something from yesterday:

My issue is that the script hasn't changed AT ALL in 11 months. I am not starting to realize / believe / accept that maybe she is not capable of changing the script. Maybe, she is not capable of taking responsibility for her own life and her own bad decisions. Ever.

I am in the same boat - W has been telling me it is 'over' for the past 10 months or so. I, like you, am starting to wonder when it will change or if it ever will and am losing some hope.

However, I feel a level of detatchment now unlike I ever have in the past, and I feel like this is the only chance we have of fixing things now that I have arrived at this place, so I want to see what happens.

I too have wanted to file out of anger at times, but I backed off because I realized deep down I didn't want a D.

I now also realize I hadn't done EVERYTHING in my power to save the M. Now that I am feeling like it can go either way and I will make it OK I realize that I may finally be at a point where there is a real chance for things to turn around, but I will be OK if it doesn't also.

I am telling you all this because I realize now that Retrouvaille isn't a great way to 'detatch' - the point of Retrouvaille is to bring you together. However, they tell you that one of the main ingredients needed is the DESIRE to make it work and your W doesn't have it (mine didn't either). As a result, you might want to consider not going to the post-sessions this round and picking them up after the next weekend is held (usually six months out). Then again, if you think your W might miraculously 'wake up' as a result of the post sessions, where she will hear other inspiring stories from couples who fixed their M then stick with it. Since it doesn't appear she has an OM you might be able to gain more benefit from it than my W did. Others experienced with Retro please chime in - I may not be right on this, but I know if I was doing post-sessions with my W right now I wouldn't be able to detatch like I have??

In our case, given that she had no DESIRE and was also involved with OM, Retro actually might have made things worse since working on our issues and feelings, etc. is the last thing a WAW wants to do in this situation. < however, as I stated earlier, it was a great for me personally and gave me a lot of strength to face down a tough situation >