Detachment

[antlers]

Antlers

You asked how I got to the point where I felt like a third party watching a scene play out before my eyes?

I am not sure that I know how I got there. I just know I got there. I think it was after much prayer and trusting God to work it out in my best interests whether that was to be with my H or not.

I also knew that my focusing on the outcome I wanted was leading me to some unhealthy behaviours. I could not afford to slip back to the point where I was not eating, crying in the privacy of my office and engaging in pursuing behaviour. So, I needed to save myself from myself. I can be my own worst enemy in this battle.

I realise that one of my best strategies is to keep a cool head. If I do not detach I am liable to say or do something I will regret. I want to GAL and let things play out. Give my H no excuse to say I did X or Y which justified his actions. Give him space to hear any voices in his head which my doing or saying the wrong thing might supress.

Detaching was partly a conscious decision and partly evolving to that point. I determined that I would take my eyes off whatever my H was doing by GALING and getting tough mentally. At the end of the day this is a mental battle.

Detaching can come and go. At least for me. And it doesn't mean you won't hurt. I think anyone in our sitches must hurt or they would not be human. How can you not grieve over what you are going through? It means you say "I hurt but I am alive and I won't hurt forever". This is a survival tactic because that is what detaching is.

And I firmly believe that my future is rich. No matter what. Love is there and good things are there. For you too. So I can afford to let go if I have to. I prefer not to have to, though!

Not sure I answered your question but there it is.

Thanks kara. I'm glad you got to the point to where you feel the way you do. I want to get there too. I think there's a lot to be said for trusting God to work it out in my best interests, and it being a conscious decision and an 'evolving' to that point, as well as GAL and getting tough mentally.