Need a pick me up

[ClingingToHope]

I continue today trying to be that perfect husband but I find my resentment level going way up towards her.

Nobody can be a perfect husband. Nobody can be perfect.

I would try that and work really hard for a couple of months and then my W would have a bad day or another weekend would go by with no intimacy and I would crash emotionally -- why am I working so hard questions -- and then withdraw for a few days.

That wouldn't work of course, so I'd go back into perfect husband mode again. A real seesaw for everyone involved.

Look, you either love her unconditionally or you don't. You have to learn to live with the little things that bother you or get out. If you are doing things for her expecting something in return -- more affection, sex, etc. -- then you are loving with conditions. I'll do this if you do that ... and your W will sense it isn't genuine.

I'm heading for a D with little hope for reconciliation. I didn't realize what I was doing until it was too late. Looking back, I see how my trying to be "perfect" was really treating my W as a pop machine. Hey, I did the dishes, picked up the kids, folded the laundry, where's my sex?

Here's my question, do you really like your W? If you took sex out of the equation, would you love to just spend a weekend with her shopping or skiing or riding a bike? Would you like to play monopoly for a night?

How much do you remember about your early dating days or her childhood? Try becoming a student of her life. Start a journal of all the things you've learned about her over the years. It may cause you to ask some questions to fill in the blanks. Don't be obvious, but it may get her talking again and that will lead to the intimacy you want.

In my case, my W wants nothing to do with counseling. So I'm jealous of you. We just deal with other in a businesslike way. You still have a chance. Don't try to be perfect. Accept your life and her for the way she is.