I must have missed the posts that pointed toward K acting (or non-acting?) out of fear. She doesn't seem afraid of anything right now except closing a door that she may want to keep ajar for a while.
I see her as a strong, confident woman. Wiser for the pain, and ready to drive....suddenly faced with a "fork in the road." Maybe there are some beautiful flowers to take in for a while at those cross roads and she just wants to wait a minute before she chooses a direction. ::Shrug:: Maybe "limbo" is there for a reason 'cause some of us should wait there a minute.
Sometimes it's scarier to forgive and let someone who hurt you back into your heart.
Sometimes it's acting out of fear when you don't take the chance of getting hurt again.
Every time you love you take that chance.
She has not been stuck in a cycle. She has actively moved forward, using the information available to her at the time.
I wonder what I'd have done if that chick with the baseball bat, bashing out her cheating boyfriend's headlights, would've been singing that song (Kelly Clarkson?) when I was at similar crossroads?
Now this is something I can't even say out loud: My H had an affair. He moved in with OW, he lied, he lost his job over her... he was a despicable excuse for a human being...and I forgive him.
It would've been much easier for me, emotionally and financially, to kick him to the curb and take the opportunity to explore the roads I'd given up for a life with him. 2 1/2 years later, I can finally say, with certainty, that doing what was hardest, for ME, was worth it. We have never been more together, in love, and happy-- and it's been the most HORRIFIC financial downward spiral imaginable.
Once they see that man in the mirror, believe me, they can change. Once they "see" what they are giving up, they can change. Like Ali, this is the feeling I get about Mr. Sunshine.
I once had a poster tell me my husband didn't deserve me. He was right. Then. But they CAN change, and people on this site, if anywhere, not only have to acknowledge that, they have lived it.
Saving a marriage after infidelity is HARD, but our journey here makes it easier for us than most because we learn who we are and what we need along the way. We learn how to lead. There are loads of resources for that stage when given the choice instead of just stuffing the behavior under the rug, thus inviting repeated cycles of mistakes on all sides.
IMHO, it's too soon for K to have processed the incredible hurtful, horrible things she read and saw, confirming her suspicions. Knowing your H had an affair is one thing, hearing/reading the "pillow talk" is MUCH harder to handle. There were times I thought I'd never get over that and I saw FAR less. But enough to know.... <must not go there>
That said, a whole lot of WONDERFUL ladies and gentlemen on this site are married to someone who will not change. Will K's H change? No one knows. I don't think K knows that either?
