Detachment

[antlers]

Hello 25.

I'm not bitter 25, I'm just shocked and hurt and disappointed, and have a lot of other negative emotions right now.

We're talking nearly 20 years, and we're not in California. We're in Oklahoma.

She left our home last February, and filed on Oct. 1st.

I think guys who do what you've described above are a sorry sack of sh!t. I've worked hard, very hard over the years. I've built up a really decent retirement account, especially considering my income as as RN, and built up a lot of equity in our home over the years. She had nothing when we got together. She's driven new cars and lived in new homes since she and I were married. We took great vacations, and really lived a decent lifestyle because I managed our money so well, especially considering our income. I sent her to college and she got her degree in accounting. Now she has a good job too. My family and our future was my whole life.

I'm sorry that any member of your family had to go through this. I don't view it as a contest or a war...but people don't have to take advantage of the other party simply because the law says they can.

"There is sometimes justice but it may not be in your wallet..." - 25. Yeah, I get what you're saying, and that may be...but when I get detatched to the point that I want to, I want to be just 'that'. Detatched.

She doesn't have to take child support from me, even if the law says she can. She doesn't need it and hasn't needed it. I don't think we have spousal support in Oklahoma, but taking child support from someone just because you can and NOT because you need it is not to keep the State from paying for services...it's to increase that spouse's lifestyle and make 'it' better.

After hearing what I've heard from her, and having her file for divorce and being so resolute about things...it's hard for me to imagine there are things she'll miss about me. I DO trust you, just sayin' it's hard for me to imagine otherwise. And it's just as hard for me to imagine that I'll have moments in her heart and mind.

I know that I have to accept her choices and be on my way. Closing the door on all of the dreams and plans I had for she and I and our family is very painful, and it dredges up so many painful emotions. She is the one breaking up the family..do ya' really think she'll ever wonder or 2nd guess herself for doing that? Again, that's hard for me to imagine.

"And no woman is unmoved by the loving interaction of her children--with their own father." - 25. I've seen on this board where you've said this before...in fact, I wrote it down many months ago from one of your posts. There is much loving interaction between our children and myself...more now than ever before. I will continue to be the best dad I can...and it's nice to know that you think I'm irreplaceable. Thanks.

It'd be nice if she heard that voice in her head, but I can't count on it, or have false hopes. I don't intend to tell her the things you said to not tell her. The last thing I sent her was this (and it was shortly after she told me she was filing plus all the other stuff she told me then)..."I love you wife. In spite of everything that's happened and is happening, I love you. And you can't take that away from me. You can take the marriage--but you can't take what I feel for you." I felt like I needed to say that under the circumstances, wrong or not, so I did. I don't know if she'll ever figure anything out, or if she'll ever 'get it'. I just hate it that this is happening.