Hey, did I tell you guys about my trip to the shrink? She told me I needed to "feel". I said "are you crazy? I've paid you $100 to tell me to feel?" Well, guess what, Saturday night I let myself feel. I went to a church service, at a different church, and during a song at the end of the service I sat there and bawled my eyes out. Wow, will I get good marks for this one and it was in public too! I am King of the Feelers now. It was OK because I think everyone thought I was crying for Jesus, I mean, he did get a pretty raw deal with those nails and that cross. It's good I go to churches where crying is considered good stuff. Y'know, in the church I grew up in breathing was about all the was OK, as long is it didn't get too deep or result in emotion. So that's my "growth" news for the weekend, "feel to heal" everybody. Anyway, don't forget about my earlier post. I still want to hear others experiences when sharing with Pastors. Is anybody out there!!!! I'm getting tired of typing to myself.
Hey, I just figured it out, it's Columbus Day in the states. So explains the quietness of the board. So, how do you celebrate Columbus Day? Do you go out with the family and discover New Worlds together, like going to Burger King instead of McDonalds? Do you dress up like ancient Italians? Build a ship?...just curious.
You've poured your heart out to two pastors and no response? Ask them what's up, don't rely on email to be delivered.
I heard a radio announcer say today the only reason America got found is because some white guy got lost! I celebrated by going to the chiropracter because my lower back kept grabbing me and buckling my knees. Ouch!
Your C is right. I was in C years ago and was told then that if you learn to shut out the hurt or sad that you also end up blocking out the good and the happy. Feel to heal - so true!
It sounds like you and stbxw are getting along better. Much of the anger is absent. What happens next?
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Hey WCW, great to hear from you! What happens next? Same as what's happening now, I guess. We parent together and are certainly better friends than when we were when we were together. I guess the divorce will happen when one of us takes the initiative. As far as my Pastors, I'm just not sure what the heck is going on. One of the reasons I stuck with this church was because the Pastors seemed so people oriented and connected with people. I'm suspecting that there are just too many fires going on at the same time. There always seems to be some big event or development that they are each working on but still it don't take much to respond to an email or ask "how's your friend". I don't hound them or pester them with numerous emails, so I'm certainly not demanding in any way. But, it just seems strange to have to go and talk to people about what I see as basic human courtesy. I'm not sure I want to do that. You can't really make people "care" about you. I may be wrong... Anyway, thanks for your thoughts WCW.
I celebrated by going to the chiropracter because my lower back kept grabbing me and buckling my knees. Ouch!
Your C is right. I was in C years ago and was told then that if you learn to shut out the hurt or sad that you also end up blocking out the good and the happy. Feel to heal - so true!
WCW, I'd have killed to go to the Chiro today, my lower back has been all messed up the entire day. I've been doing some stretching, heating, icing and whatever else might loosen it up. Can you say Robaxacet!
Re: the C's advice. She was saying that I always want to find a way to beat whatever it is I'm dealing with. It's how I deal with challenges. I beat alcoholism as a young man, diabetes more recently, I lived and actually thrived during the extremely stressful last years of my M, I survived the separation etc. and now I'm looking for a way to beat the crap out of the remains of this damn virus that knocked me on my ass. She said my strategy worked well for the forementioned battles but my body isn't going to re-energize until it's darn good and ready too. So, my job is to feel whatever it is I feel. If I'm sad, feel sad. If I'm frustrated, feel frustrated and so on. When I'm tired, and that's frequently, I need to allow myself to be tired. She said "you'll allow your friend whose marriage ended to cry every night but you won't allow yourself to cry when you've been sick for over three months" She said "a lot of people would be gouging their own eyes out after being sick for so long but you haven't missed a beat. Let yourself feel sadness, anger, frustration and whatever else comes up. If you feel, you'll heal" So, it's a new strategy I'm to undertake. Allow the healing rather than forcing it. Should be fun...I guess!
There's no real defence for not getting back to you, even to just say 'thinking of ya.' Except perhaps, maybe they're not computer people, or they get so many emails that it takes them awhile to get back to anyone, let alone you?
Just an observation --- you appear to change churches very often. Am I right? One should stick around for awhile before changing, I think, so that people can get to know you better. If I am wrong then sorry.
I must say I have similar issues with my church even though I have been there for a long time. My H went on Sunday with D16 (after being absent for the whole year) and a guy he knows fairly well, just ignored him when H greeted him in the hallway. This guy even knows about my health, etc. and couldn't even bother to ask after me. People are just people --- a pastor should know better, but often they don't.
At this point in my life, I am not that keen on organized religion. It has caused way too much confusion and stress in my life. I believe in a Heavenly Father, but not a lot more than that. Well, a little more.
Anyway, take care.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Hi Being Me. I've been with this church for about 2.5 years. I have left twice in that period for about three months at a time but returned. Even when I left I kept in touch and attended Sunday evening services there. I didn't leave in anger but a concern regarding my fit with the church. I enjoyed the services so I would still go to things that I enjoyed there. So I was never gone, gone, gone! I'm presently involved in numerous activities there and do know the people. I've often struggled with the feeling that I'm not as committed as others appear to be, that I'm a distinct racial minority in the church and with some aspects of Evangelical Christianity. I've shared all these concerns with my Pastors but again, neither has ever said "Hey, it you ever need to talk about these things or need some guidance etc we'll arrange a time to meet" Sometimes I think they are just too darn busy to worry about a little guy like me who appears to handle things pretty well. Both Pastors have a reputation for caring and are well loved by the church memebers. When I decided to try another church I emailed both of them with the reasons and got a lovely reply for one but nothing from the Lead Pastor. When I decided to return I again emailed them to tell of my decision and got no response from either. It's hit or miss apparently. I think I will just ditch email communication because it's obviously not working well for me. It leaves me wondering things I don't need to wonder about. I'm very sensitive to these kinds of things especially lately. I remember awhile back I saat down with the Youth pastor to try and find a way to involve my girls in the church. She gave me a couple of ideas she would try and then never followed through on any of them! That was not a good feeling either, but I just chose to accept that that was what it was and let it go. It's not like my kids would actually go anyway! Thanks for checking in with me, Being Me.
Being Me, I forgot to ask but what kind of experiences drove you away from the organized church? You mentioned there were similar experiences to mine. What might they be? It's hard for me to guage what is normal and acceptable in such environments because I was a non-churchgoer for thirty years previously. I'm not sure what is acceptable and me being sensitive and what is just not OK. You could say "if it feels like it's not OK, then it's not" but I know I'm pretty touchy these days! Anyway Being Me, if you're up to sharing, I'm up to reading it.
Hi Wii! This is where PM's would be useful, but it is no longer allowed on this site. Honestly, I don't know what's normal. I've been in the same organized church for more than 25 years, but different cities, since we have moved fairly often. I have found it not a good source for making new friends. People are very involved in their own families and long friendships. Also, I have some issues with belief. But, until now, we have been so grateful for their youth program, but this city, it kinda sucks. So, we feel no pressing need to go to church. And, I'm not sure, if I want to change.
They are not very flexible either, for instance, I wanted to have our vows renewed, but they would not do that. Of course, we could've just done it by ourselves, but my H obviously doesn't want to do it.
It's just been one thing after another. I have gotten to the point of not being so much touchy, but don't really care to share in church. There have been the odd church leader who I could talk to, but they are scarce.
But, I don't want to put you off going, if you are getting something good, spiritually, out of it. I agree that email is probably not your best bet for communication. Just go chat to one or both and let them know how you feel. If they are truly caring then they will understand how you are feeling. And, you will know why they have not got back to you.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
you dont go to your counsellor for spiritual matters.. you'd probably be disappointed by the results, right? So dont go to your pastor(s) for counselling. that's what your counsellor is for.
The guys name is "Pastor", not "Jesus". So please have reasonable expectations of him? :-)
Some pastors may be wonderful, sensitive "counsellor" type people. Most are probably not. SO, just like unreasonable expectations of one's spouse.... dont have unreasonable expectations of your pastor, and then you wont set yourself up for disappointment?
Thanks for your thoughts In Passing! I didn't go to him for counselling, I went for a shoulder to cry on that night. I didn't ask for an indepth 20 session program of Freudian analysis! I just would like to feel that when I've shared something important that it is recognized once in a while afterwards. Saying "how's your friend" once in six weeks is not a huge demand. But yes, Pastors are human, that is true enough and often have super human demands placed on them. Btw folks, I just came from the Chiro and was talking with the receptionist and she is suffering the same crap I am from the virus of the damned. We got to comparing fatigue and anxiety stories and she too was on the verge of asking her doctor for AD's due to the tiredness etc. I told her I looked forward to seeing her next week and we could compare more war stories. OMG, this bug is a doozie, ain't it! It's so good to share it with someone else though.
