I have a strange, new confidence that I never had before. I don't know what's around the corner or how the myriad things that are askew will turn out. But I think I'm finally the man I've been trying for so long to be, or at least on the road to being that man. I accept my past failures and the damage I've caused. I feel, finally, comfortable in my skin.
Sunday was hard. I don't think I like the person my wife has become. I hope this isn't permanent. The whole time I spent with her I could feel anger and resentment coming off of her. It was small things, her body language, noncommittal replies, texting someone the whole time, not listening and asking to me to repeat myself, walking ahead of me in the store with very aggressive posture, etc, etc...
The wall is too big and I'm tired of throwing myself against it.
I will be avoiding contact. Not out of respect or to avoid saying something wrong or even to give her space. I just DO NOT want to talk to her anymore. I have no affection for this person she is now. It seems she is repressing a lot of feelings and will likely come out of this depression or whatever it is. But I can't be friends with her right now.
~Mark
Me: 38 W: 34 Together: 9yrs 1st M: may '03 1st D: april '08 1st bomb: june '08 remarried: oct '08 2nd bomb: aug '09 --(W asked for D one week into 3 mo. trial separation which was meant to save our M)
