Trying to save my M. W not really trying though.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Yes, they do. Always.

Are you setting any Daily and Weekly goals? That helps.

Puppy

[etrain]

Are you setting any Daily and Weekly goals? That helps.

I'm living day to day right now & haven't set any goals. As a matter of fact, I haven't picked up DR since I confronted my W about the affair last Thursday. I'm still only about 130 pages in. The A really threw me & made me question whether or not I want to bust this D or just let it happen. I love the woman my W used to be but she's not that person any more. I don't know who she is.

Now is the time for me to re-focus.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Yep, it is. And notice I didn't say "Weekly and Monthly goals," I said daily and weekly.

Short-term goals (or even simple "to-do" lists) will help you stay focused, stay positive, and feel SUCCESSFUL, which of course you are. You're handling an unbelievable difficult thing with grace and courage, if I may say so.

Puppy

[Hope4us]

The A really threw me & made me question whether or not I want to bust this D or just let it happen. I love the woman my W used to be but she's not that person any more. I don't know who she is.

Now is the time for me to re-focus.

Yes A's throw you for a loop. It will take a long time to get over (if you ever do), but I would encourage you to not do anything in haste. That woman your wife used to be is still in there. Trust me on that one. Once the A has ended for good and she's had time to clear her head (de-fog), you'll be amazed at the turn around. It was over a year after my W's A ended before I saw glimpses of her old self and then another couple months before I saw the real her.

Just saying you don't have to make that decision right this minute whether you want to attempt to reconcile or not. Like you said, now is the time to focus on yourself.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Yes A's throw you for a loop. It will take a long time to get over (if you ever do), but I would encourage you to not do anything in haste. That woman your wife used to be is still in there. Trust me on that one. Once the A has ended for good and she's had time to clear her head (de-fog), you'll be amazed at the turn around. It was over a year after my W's A ended before I saw glimpses of her old self and then another couple months before I saw the real her.

This was true for me as well. In fact, this "new" version of my wife is even better and stronger than the old, pre-affair one! I'm glad I stuck it out.

Puppy

[Hope4us]

I agree Pup. We still have a lot to work through, but I must be honesst and say that I think my W's A did her some good.

Not that I'm glad she did it, lord knows I'd prefer we talked about it and worked out her issues with me and herself without OM involved, but if that's what it took for us to be in the kind of marriage we both want from here on out, I'll deal with it.

How sick is that?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I don't think it's sick at all -- I totally get it.

I don't think that God CAUSES bad things to happen (esp. to good people), but He certainly can USE the bad things -- if we let Him -- for the good (Romans 8:28).

He can truly make lemonade from those stupid lemons we create in our lives.

I'm enjoying the lemonade.

Puppy

[etrain]

Yep, it is. And notice I didn't say "Weekly and Monthly goals," I said daily and weekly.

Short-term goals (or even simple "to-do" lists) will help you stay focused, stay positive, and feel SUCCESSFUL, which of course you are. You're handling an unbelievable difficult thing with grace and courage, if I may say so.

Puppy

Thanks for the words of encouragement. Maybe I'll start off w/ some personal goals. I don't think R goals would be realistic right now.

I really need to keep busy...GAL and GAL some more. It's difficult because my W & S have been my social life for years. I feel a little guilty leaving my S home with W while I go out and do things myself...so I'm trying to come up with things he & I can do together.
And I know I'm supposed to be happy & upbeat (more attractive) around my W, but it's really tough right now.

[dgtal]

I'm just starting to see my real wife too. 1 year and 4 weeks later. Yesterday we kiss each other and for the first time since the crisis days (aUG 2008) I feel HER real mouth again.
But I'm still wondering why is she still hiding those country music CD's in her night table? She always hated country music and I bet my paycheck that the OM has something to do with this. I'm obtimistic that soon she will get rid of those stupid CD's.

[etrain]

Yes A's throw you for a loop. It will take a long time to get over (if you ever do), but I would encourage you to not do anything in haste. That woman your wife used to be is still in there. Trust me on that one. Once the A has ended for good and she's had time to clear her head (de-fog), you'll be amazed at the turn around. It was over a year after my W's A ended before I saw glimpses of her old self and then another couple months before I saw the real her.

Thanks Hope4. I am going to try to be patient with this. It's so difficult. With W looking for an apt, I'm just waiting for the day she tells me she's moving out. I know that's not the way I'm supposed to think. I should be in control of my own life.
I'm just not there yet.