Partner left after 9 yrs - 18months on, reunited !

[AliSuddenly]

Hey Mish! Yes, I agree, its amazing but we do seem to have an even better relationship than before. When he got upset on Sunday he even said, thats not fair though, just because I find it difficult to talk about this because I hurt you so badly and it makes me feel bad, thats selfish. You shouldnt worry about upsetting me, you should be able to say whatever you want and feel. But luckily for him, I go easy on him !

Michelle.. nice to see you back, where have you been?? I hope all is well with you (and RT?). Yeah, we really try and have fun nowadays and also, when we do talk, I am concious to keep it short (1 hour max) and then I say..ok, thanks for talking to me about this..hey, lets go get lunch out...or something, change the subject/mood. I think the books say to do that. You've got to balance it out with new memories and fun.

GAG.. you're welcome! Keeping the path home smooth was vital, yes. I remember posting alot about how our extended friends and family were vital to my DBing. It kept me informed and yes, hope alive and also, he got to see me amongst our friends (good DBing opportunities!) and knew I was still in contact with everyone that had been a part of our shared life. So there was no bitterness, or awkwardness or any factor that might deter him from coming back, IF he wanted to. The biggest factor was of course, he still loved me and wasnt done, although it did take him a long time to realise that. I asked him, what would he have done if I had met someone else in the interim, whilst he was working out what he felt/wanted, would he have left me to it and never said anything? He said no, he doesnt think he would have, because it took him so long to work out what he really wanted, once he had, he knew, so no, he would have still tried to get me back. I was quite surprised at that, but I believe him.

And you are correct.. I asked him on Sunday if he spoke to anyone once he started to want me back and pull himself together and make decisions and he said not. His friends had nothing to do with his decision to come back, that was done by purely internal dialogue. But I very much took a consistent approach to him. Early on a poster told me somethning different to everyone else (I thikn it was Appleroad).. she said, men in MLC or depression are different to those that left because of an A at work, you need to do a more tailored DBing and not follow it.. you have to treat them with full love and ACCEPTANCE and be consistent.. always be there, dont reject any contact from them at all, or turn down invitations (which Jody advised me to). I never did, never once. It seems that was very important to him, that he knew I was still there for him.