FACT: My W tells me that the only reason she is staying in the M is guilt and obligation. Pressure from me because I love her and (in her words) expect her to love me in the same way. Guilt from the church. Pressure from her family and friends ("You are crazy, why would you want to leave?") She believes that and blames me for - "trying to trap her in the M". I think a big part of the issue is that she is feeling so rebellious that she can't "Make a decision to love"
FACT 2: If this is why she is staying, then I don't want her to stay. I would never want to continue a M long terms of pressure and obligation. I only want to be M'd to someone who CHOSES to be M'd to me.
FACT 3: When I tell her that she is then free to leave, she attacks me for "trying to throw her out" and "trying to force her to decide" "trying to make her the bad guy" etc.
So:
A) I want to free her of her obligation TO ME. I want to make it very clear that if she is staying with me it is purely HER CHOICE.
and
B)I am not going to offer her a feather-lined D (ie I take all the blame, do all the work, promise to remain friends and continue to support her financially and otherwise into the future. A D in my mind would be a purely business arrangement - she get's the "fair and normal" spousal support payment, we work out a 50/50 custody arrangement, she moves out, and we each move on with our SEPARATE lives.
How do I do that?
I have found that if I try to tell her this she does not believe "A" and sees "B" as an attempt by me to trap her in the M through threat of punishment and pain. Talking is not working.
Do I just have to file for D myself, and walk away?
Last edited by Thinker; 10/13/0908:54 AM.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
