A Crossroads

[Can it work]

Hi MsM, thanks for keeping an eye on my post. I realise I've not been on for a while and I need to increase my visits a bit.

Wee Man's birthday went really good. Everyone got on from both families and there was no ill feeling. Wee Man himself got completely spoiled rotten! It was a good day but I think my MIL described it best. She texted me after the party to thank me for putting everything aside for Wee Man. She also said that as nice as it was, it also felt very unreal. If anyone had been at the party who hadn't known my W and I were separated they would've been forgiven for thinking that nothing was wrong. It's not as though there was any physical contact between us but we were both sharing the hosting duties and mingling with people from both sides. It was upsetting for me since I wished it could be that way all the time. I'm even less convinced it's ever going to happen now though.

Last week, my W told me that she has yet another boyfriend. She's had been seeing him a couple of weeks and thought it was serious. The worst thing about it was that since this new guy was such a big part of her life she wanted him to become a big part of Wee Man's life. I told her that I thought it was too soon to be sure and that she should wait a bit before involving our son. Not sure how much notice she took though. I guess I'm just going to have to accept it for what it becomes.

I'm at the stage now where I would like nothing more than the ability to wave a magic wand and stop myself loving her. I can't though. No matter how much pain she causes me and how miserable I feel every day about my sitch, I just can't stop praying that some day she comes back to me. That's even with the sensible side of me knowing that I could never live with what my W has become. It makes no sense and it's tearing me up inside. I just want to be able to move on but don't know when or if that is ever going to happen. I could never be with anyone else knowing that I still have feelings like this for my W. It just feels as though she's loving life at the moment and it seems so unfair. She walked out and called everything off but she's living the high life now. I know this makes me sound very defeatest but I can't help it. I've got a life and am enjoying the things I'm doing now not to mention the fact that I'm loving the time I get with Wee Man. I just don't think I have enough to fill the gap my W has left though. I just want it to go away!

Kev