She told me tonight that she is miserable and has been for several years and stressed and that the only reasons she has not left is bc of the kids and finances.
Jman,
As you know, my W has it equally horrible. She has had such a tough life, well it's just sad. She has it so bad that I recently had a friend ask me about my W: "Do we have a substance abuse issue here (with my W)?"
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I asked her that do u think u can have another relationship wo the probs we have and she said that she is not naïve that she knows she will have probs like this in another R. Wow am I missing something here she is making so much sense to justify wanting to leave me. She just has it so bad even though I still have the majority of the resp around the house with the kids, dog, house, finances etc. But she is the one miserable and stressed!!??
My W has something similar about "having to watch out for her issues" in her next R. Uh, wouldn't it be better to work on yourself now in the context of your MR to save yourself from making the same mistakes twice? Apparently not.
Funny you should mention your W being the one miserable when you are shouldering the majority of the not so fun "work" around the house. I was talking to my mom the other day when she made a similar observation about my MR in that I did the majority of the "dirty work"/work while my W did the majority of the "fun stuff". She said it was amazing that my W would have the audacity to bitch and moan about me always working and doing things to keep the household up and running and not make the connection in the disparity between who is having "fun" vs. who is doing the dirty work.
This is one of the benefits I'm finding in detaching- I am really starting to see my MR with my W more clearly- and it's really starting to piss me off. In many ways, my W has taken advantage of me and now she has the audacity to cheat on me, complain, act as though I can do no right, etc. Unbelievable.
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Can someone answer this question for me? What is a marriage and is there marriages that are not co dependent? Am I missing something here??? I thought marriages are codependent on some level due to vows, having children, sharing resp with one another amongst everything else life throws at u?
Agreed. I don't think you are missing anything here.
M: 41 W: 39 S: 11 S: 10 D: 4 1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09 EA began: 2/14/09 EA discovered: 3/1/09 I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself _______________________________
