That night in the hotel last weekend I wrote 15 pages trying to get the crap out of my brain that was buzzing around...
It only worked for a couple days...
So today I was home with a bad sinus infection. I wrote a 3 page letter to Dan but I didn't send it... guess I think if I write it out it will go away.
It was his night tonight, he showed up to swim lessons unexpectedly (they go from 4:30-5:30 when he is usually at work). Said he took the afternoon off to work on his house.
I took the kids back to the house after lessons to get washed up and dressed. He met me there presumably to take them...Sydney said she wanted to go out to eat at HuHot. Only, she doesn't eat the Mongolian, she eats their chicken strips!
So Dan said that Nathan was already comfy on the couch and didn't want to go anywhere (although he didn't ask him...) so he would make Sydney chicken strips at home. He asked me--in front of kids--if it was ok if he bought some chicken if he could make it at my house. I just told him there was already some in the freezer and I went downstairs to check my email.
He yelled down to me a minute later to ask me if I wanted some chicken too (he knows I have been dieting). I said no thanks. And then I got up and I said bye and I left for a few hours until I was sure the kids would be in bed.
I told him last Thursday night what Nathan said about this not being a home b/c his dad isn't here...I told him in a very matter-of-fact email, just requesting that he re-affirm to Nathan that he does have a home, etc. So his way of helping was to keep the kids at my house Friday night and to tell Nathan he was staying "home" to watch movies. (Dan explained this to me after the fact, once again on Friday I left for a couple hours. He offered me dinner that night too but I went out instead.)
So I suppose tonight was him attempting to help Nathan feel at home?
Well he didn't get what I was saying then. True, Nathan said this wasn't his home b/c I told him home was where your family is and he said it wasn't his family without his dad. But, that didn't mean I wanted his dad to be over at my place all the time!! Guess he thinks that will make Nathan feel at home!?!?!
I just don't know how to be around him anymore now that I don't expect a reconciliation. So I kind of try to avoid him.
By the time I got home the kids were in bed. Dan was watching Star Wars on cable. I came in and started doing some things in the kitchen. He said he needed to get going back to his house to do some more work. And he said he was still interested in hearing about the 'snakes'--previous weekend reference when I went to the hotel to sort my head out--whenever I was ready to share. I just said ok thanks for the offer but you better go work on your house it is late.
