I'm just really low lately. I think because of the D looming.
I don't see much of H anymore even though we are living together. Today he left early on the Harley and was gone all day. He came home long enough to change his clothes and go back out. Things must be hot and heavy with the skank again. What is this hold she has over him. He's left his wife who he use to love home on a saturday night to be with a skank. She's taken my seat on the back of our Harley. Grrr... I didn't deserve this. None of us did. I never thought this would happen to us.
How are you doing? Are you still seeing baby steps?
I think my rollercoaster has gotten stuck with me hanging upside down!
Just checking you out for a second here. I know it sucks that the D is looming. I can only imagine how you feel and what you are going through. I know that you need to process everything you are going through and deal with the pain, anger and disappointment. Are you still making time for you and feeding your needs? Getting a mani/pedi or a massage? Going to the gym? Please make sure that you make some quality time to feed and nourish yourself.
Yes, she's on the back of the Harley but what are you doing for yourself and for fun? Leave them on the Harley for now, sweetie.Road trips don't last forever. Leave them on the roller coaster. Tell yourself that she has nothing that you want at this point in time. She is getting a twisted version of your H. From what you write he is really in no frame of mind to be offering her anything useful or mature, so what the heck is she getting in this deal? A piece of a man who is married and single at the same time? She thinks this is a good prospect right now and possibly for her future? If this is what she wants from life now well I say more power to her. And she has my condolences for not putting a higher value on herself. Maybe you should send her a sympathy card?
The truth is that MLCers are simply in no frame of mind to be a steady person in a relationship whether with their S or OP. They need to do a lot of work but instead distract themselves from the pain and the roller coaster by being constantly on the go and leading a frenzied non stop life. It is band aid to a gaping wound. It is not a sustainable way of life and something will give whether now or in the future. The fantasy life will not translate well into a long term life with the OP because real love includes tackling issues and challenges and all of the fantasy life is based on running away. What will your H do if he and OW start to heva problems? Even if your D does proceed, I can't see your H being truly at peace with himself until he reaches the point where he DOES THE WORK.
I think you should continue showing your H that you are not beaten by this. That you are living and enjoying life as best you can. In an authentic and genuine manner. That he is not leaving you at home on a Saturday night while he is out having fun. On his Harley. With a woman who needs your sympathy. You just have to feel sorry for both of them. Maybe they both need sympathy cards!
So sorry you are feeling down. This is all really rough stuff, but I know you can handle it. You have done great so far.
Kara wrote a great post here. Can you think of any ways or things you can do to take your focus on your H and the OW? She truly doesn't have the great guy you married - she has someone else. Try to get your roller coaster budged from leaving you hanging upside down!
Hey Faith & Kara ~ Thanks for checking in on me. (((hugs)))
I haven't been on in a few days because I felt I needed a break. My posts were sounding too down. And that is not how I want to react through this. I want to remain strong, and keep my FAITH and TRUST in the LORD.
Kara ~
Thank you for your wonderful post. I do need to remember that she does not have my H. The one I love and married anyway. And the one who loves and married me.
I will send her a sympathy card when this is over. I will tell her she didn't really lose anything, because she didn't really have "him" anyway. She had someone who was going through a MLC. Even if he doesn't come out of it, and this D becomes reality, she still doesn't have "HIM". I will not lose H through D. I will only be losing the MLC H. What I want is the original version.
For now I am still his wife, I will remain faithful, and hold on to hope that the fog will clear till the very end.
Over the weekend, I got more paperwork together that my attorney needed. I had been putting it off because it seems so final. But I knew that I needed to deal with it. I just made up my mind that I needed to do it for me. For every tear I've shed. I've mentioned before that he is being very cold with the terms. He doesn't want me to have much of anything. We don't have children between us, but we have been married for thirteen years. He made the remark when this all started, that he married me because he felt sorry for me. When were dating, he lived in a run down rental house, had an old car, and kept his food in an ice chest. When we got married he moved in with me in a very nice rental house. Did he ever change the history on that one! In fact, it was me who made it possible for us to buy our home. I had money in the bank. I loved him for who he was, not for what he had. OW loves him ( if she really does ) for what he has and what he can give her. We now have a beautiful home, and he has a very good job. And a very nice Harley that she rides on now. He has cast me aside for a younger model. She is fifteen years younger and has been married three times. It's all so sad.
I also created a Timeline. It starts when I first noticed him acting strangely and doing things differently. I have been wanting to do this for a long time. To actually write it down, instead of keeping it in my head. I will be giving a copy to my attorney. She said she would also like the projection letter he wrote me. I haven't decided if I want to give her a copy yet, or just keep it to myself.
Just wanted to come by and say hi...Not to much going on with my H and I have been off for a few days taking a breather...My little one was diagnosed with the swine flu yesterday so he is keeping my hands full...I am still here if you need anything my friend
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
Grace ~ The Timeline was just to get it all down in writing, so I wouldn't have to retain it in my head any longer. I can now forget it, and if I need to remember it for any reason I will have it. Does that make sense? I was starting to feel I was throwing a pity party for myself every day. I need to stop that and start counting my Blessings. After all, I've been able to live with H in the same house for over a year now under these conditions. I have been Blessed with the STRENGTH to keep pushing through.
Faith ~ The Timeline starts in Nov 07. That is when I first noticed H acting irritable with me consistently. Also that is about the time friends started questioning his behavior. I also found old cell phone statements dating back to then where texting started to her number. I checked it against the number he had the audacity to put in our home phone directory. Her number with her name in the actual phone itself. I took it out once, but he put it back. I never picked up that phone again. That's when I knew he was crazy! Anybody in their right mind, wouldn't have been so callous as to do something like that! I believe the MLC actually started around the time he got the Harley however. It all went to his head. He felt like a cool dude on that bike. That was about four years ago.
Serenity ~ I just read the latest on your thread... How are you doing with the latest spew from H? I love what you texted him. So much so, that I wrote it down. I hope you don't sue me for copyright infrigement Stay strong girl, We are the better for it. GOD is GREATER than what we're going through, and HE will see us through!
I woke up fiesty this morning! When I awoke, I could hear H snoring away in the other bedroom, and it made me so mad/frustrated! A feeling I really haven't experienced before. I've been standing for our marriage for over a year, and giving him my unconditional love. And all he does is take, take, take, and he gets worse and worse. I make great dinners at home, in which he partakes. And then he probably turns around and takes ow to fancy dinners, while I eat the leftovers.
I got to thinking today about what H use to say when this all started...
"The marriage is over MJ!" When I heard this I didn't know what in the world he was talking about. No one told me the marriage was over. I was so hurt, and so frustrated every time he would say it. I found out later, he was saying it to justify is actions. I found proof that H was up to no good way before he started saying this. He must have thought I was so stupid! I did believe at it first, he was so convincing! Then I wised up.
"Nothings Changed!" He use to say this all the time also. I would always ask him what he meant by that. He could never give me a straight answer. He even said it once in a counseling session. The counselor was even confused. Later when I had an individual session with this same counselor, he brought it to light. His "Nothings Changed!", was a cover-up to his actions. *It meant nothings changed, I still have a girlfriend.
Before I left for work this morning, I could hear him in the shower. The movie Psycho entered my head! lol
lol