Ashlee- I have tears rolling as I read your thread because I remember those feelings all too well. There is nothing worse than loosing your best friend and feeling you have no one to turn to. I am here to tell you it does get better. My sitch hasn't really gotten better, but I have.
I can tell you now with no uncertaintly, that I want my marriage to work, and I grieve for my son and what he is going through, but I will be OK no matter what. I could not have said that with any certainty even a few months ago.
I have found prayer to be the best and really only thing that has helped me. When I feel overwhelmed, I give it to God, when I am sad I ask for his strength...when I am confused I ask for clarity. I have never talked to God so much in all of my life. I am still not exactly sure what His plan is for my life, but I know I will be OK regardless because He has my best interest at heart. It is hard not to know and I think that is a big issue for many of us....the not knowing.
I believe the same thing for you. It does not take the pain away, but know that God has a plan for you and your family and this situation is part of that plan.
