For those with a WAS...How do you cope?

[courts0818]

Okay, I need some advice. I am taking a MAJOR step towards GAL. I am going to visit my BFF in NY in a little over a week. My bday is 10/24 and her bday is 10/26 so it's a surprise visit for her. Her H set it up. I have never gone to visit her before. I see her like once a year when she comes here. She grew up here, we went to school together and even though we live far apart we are very close.

About a month ago, I briefly mentioned it my H. I didn't give him any dates or details and he didn't/hasn't say/said much of anything about it.

I'm wondering if I should talk to him about my plans or just go without saying anything to him. Of course, I have made plans for my mom to watch our DD.

The reason I'm thinking about not saying anything to him is because last April he took a week long vacation to Florida and never said anything to me about it until he was already there. Just typing this is bringing back a flood of ANGER. A few days before he left, he sent me an email saying he had a little trip planned. So, the next time I saw him I asked what he had planned. He acted like a complete a$$ and said something like "Why do you care?" Instead of getting upset, I simply said something like, "If you don't want to tell me, that's fine" and I walked away.

That was early in the week and nothing more was said about it. So, that Friday I sent him a text asking if he was coming over and he said he couldn't bc he was far away. He kept saying he didn't want to tell me where he was at bc he knew I would be mad. UM...MAD...YA THINK??????? Anyway, he was already in FL. When we he told me he was staying for a week, I absolutely did not believe him. I totally thought he was staying for the weekend and was just kidding. It wasn't until I sent a text to his boss and found out that he had taken the week off that I actually believed it. And that's bc it had been a few years since we had taken a vacation so it totally stunned me. He says he was there golfing with vendors from work. Who knows (um...I could totally throw up right now). Anyway...

I can't even explain how angry and hurt I was - it is beyond words. I was in a state of shock that he made all those plans didn't say one word to me, took a week's vacation, and then actually went all the way to FL without even telling me and he left me and our DD at home. Oh my word - it's getting me upset just thinking about it again.

Anyway, It's been a little over 3 weeks since I stopped reaching out to H, stopped texting him, stopped trying to have any kind of R talk and so on. I have been leaving when he comes over and I've been trying 180s and getting GAL.

We are approaching the 1 yr mark since he moved out and I really want to do things to get his attention, to help him see me differently - stronger, more independent, more carefree, more focused on me and not him. I've said everything I can say and it hasn't worked. I have to SHOW him by my actions that things are different with me.

Since he never asks what I'm doing or how I feel about anything, should I just go and not tell him? I mean I did mention it, but he doesn't know when I'm planning on leaving.

I just don't know. Last year he totally forgot my birthday - didn't do one single thing except the day after he sent me a text saying he was sorry for totally forgetting it. Really sweet, huh?

I'm taking a stand, I'm doing things different. He needs to SEE that I'm done being disrespected, done caring about what he does, done worrying about this marriage - it's time I'm focusing on me and what I want.

So, what do I do? I need help.