From the perspective of a woman who has had and is still having to slay her own self-esteem demons ... it is absolutely her issue to work through. With all the love, good will, and generosity in the world, this is not anything you can POSSIBLY fix for her.
The continued compassion, that is your gift. And now that you have a suspicion about what you say vs. what she hears internally, I'm sure you can find ways to convey that you DO love her as is, where is. Imperfectly, just like the rest of us. Willingness is all.
I'm not sure I can find ways to convey I love her just like she is. I cannot tell her I love her b/c (a) this didn't work before and (b) right now, she doesn't want that oh, and (c) I'm not begging/pleading - that's unattractive.
I agree she has to work through this issue alone.
But, other than being compassionate (and that's my big take away from the discussion today), I'm not sure what else I can do.
