From the perspective of a woman who has had and is still having to slay her own self-esteem demons ... it is absolutely her issue to work through. With all the love, good will, and generosity in the world, this is not anything you can POSSIBLY fix for her.
The continued compassion, that is your gift. And now that you have a suspicion about what you say vs. what she hears internally, I'm sure you can find ways to convey that you DO love her as is, where is. Imperfectly, just like the rest of us. Willingness is all.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
