Newbie with almost WAW - Need Advice

[sandi2]

I'm glad you were able to take what I said....b/c I know it isn't easy to hear it. I use to take a long time introducing myself and kind of easing into what I had to say....but heck, I just might as well lay it on the line and tell it as I see it. Being a W who almost walked away, and being involved in an EA...helps me to see the signs in other situtations.

I do want to clearify something about the dating. I do not suggest anything but "friendly" or "causaul" dating. It is not fair to the person you are dating if it is not made clear that you are not looking for a serious R, plus you don't need to get involved with another person while you are M. But if you can go out to dinner or a movie or something "light", then I think it would help your stitch. I do not think people need to get themselves in a "sticky" situation (if you know what I mean). Some people think that dates are having sex....but I don't, and I think it would be a mistake to go that way.

I would suggest that you not make this a dating question to your W if you decide to go that route. You need to say that you have decided that you will start dating while S. Whenever a discussion comes up about anything like S, be sure that you say, "I have decided"...such & such. This shows strength!

If you "feel" like a doormat....then that means she is treating you like one. So, you need to get your manhood on and let her know that you will not be treated like a doormat You don't have to make a discussion about the subject....you simply call her out on anything/anytime that she does something disrepectful....and let her know that you won't tollerate that treatment. It is most important for a woman to respect a man. She cannot love him or be sexually attracted to him if she does not respect him.

Call her out on each time she gives you a bunch of B.S. or she is acting like a b*tch. Don't let her get by with that. However, you make a non-emotional statement...turn around and leave before she says anything. And, if she starts....you just get busy at something and do not get into it with her b/c that will lead to a R talk.

Think ahead of what you are going to say to her on any given situation.....like when she's acting like a b*tch. What would be a good statement to make and then walk away. You need to be prepared for whatever she may throw at you b/c it is going to get hairy.

You did good GAL tonight. Let me tell you what to do about her coming home late. If it is past bedtime.....turn out every light on the place (including the outside lights). Lock the doors (even if she has a key....it makes a statement). Go to bed and pretend to be asleep when she comes in. Do not say anything if she gets mad and says something....just roll over and pretend to go back to sleep. Do this everytime she is out late....and don't say anything the next day about her being out. Act as if you could care less.

If she comes home before bedtime, be busy at something you like (not chores b/c that makes you look too ....well not the model she needs to be seeing right then). You never want to look like the martar! She needs to see you doing something you enjoy so it will appear you didn't even notice she had been out...much less that you were bothered!

Now, don't get the wrong idea of where I'm going with this. Yes, I am encouraging you to toughen up, but it is for her to see you in a better light than she does right now. When she thinks that you are not interested in her or trying to hold her back, then she will stop pulling against you so hard.