Welcome!!!!!!!!!! Yes, this is my current thread. I lurked on your thread for so many months and learned a LOT from the compassion that you showed your BF. I really value your feedback, especially since it seems that there is some similarity between our "men". Jody finally told me at our last visit that she thinks my H is clinically depressed.
Your insights about keeping in touch with your BF's family is very much appreciated. I am intrigued by the approach you used: " I always talked about bf in a vague way, with a big smile as though he was still in my life and all was cool". Did you do this even when you knew there was an OW? My H has been decreasing communication for the last 1-2 weeks. In my head I think that he's preparing for D-day by pulling away, but I don't know that for sure. Do you think that I should initiate communication?
I have been trying to figure out what approach I should use with SIL on saturday. I'm wondering if with the Dday approaching 3 1/2 weeks away now, this strategy still makes sense in my sitch.
Jody and I planned the following for my lunch with SIL, knowing that everything I say will be communicated back to H:
1) Tell SIL that I expect that H has probably dated since the separation began. This is something that I understand occurs when people are separated. This will help to remove this as a barrier to H feeling too guilty about his dating OW to consider dating me again.
2)Forgiveness: I have found the separation to be halthy and personally enlightening. When I realized I was holding resentment to H, I took steps to release that. That has been my process for forgiving H for leaving me AND forgiving myself for doing the things that contributed to pushing us apart.
Any additional suggestions or insights you have would be appreciated.
