I am new to this website as well and a few months ago my wife of four years dropped the "I'm not attracted to you, there is no more flame/spark" bomb on me and I NEVER saw it coming, although in hindsight I haven't been as happy as I've wanted to be for a while and I know W hasn't either... It sounds as though you're learning about not groveling, but I'd encourage you to have more respect for yourself and, in a LOVING way, to hold your wife accountable. If she is telling you that she needs things to change, why are you kicked out of the bedroom, for instance? I almost made the mistake of moving out of our apartment right away when my W told me she needed space. Through advice of friends and an IC, I was able to realize that if she needed a change, she needed to take action. I didn't want to move out at that point and so I told her that I would do whatever I could to help her but if she needed space, she needed to find it. The trick is that I did this in a loving manner, not accusing or coming across as angry. It's still your bedroom, right? My advice (and I'm only 27 and going through this as well) is that if you don't want to be sleeping on the couch, tell her, lovingly, that you realized that you want to be in your bedroom and would honestly love for it to be with her, but if she needs to be separate than that's her choice. By doing so you hold her accountable but also give her freedom. You can let her know that you are respecting her limits and will not make physical advances, but simply that it doesn't work for you to be forced out of your own bedroom when you have every right to be in it. This shows that you respect yourself, and you'll likely feel better when you do it.
Finally, I'd also encourage you to trust yourself in all of this. That is my biggest regret so far, that I didn't trust my intuition about things going on around me and I denied myself. For me, that is the equal of having denied the Holy Spirit (I'm using this as an analogy... I do not follow any particular Religious Doctrine) in me... sinning against myself in the process. That is what hurts the most.
Be strong, my friend, and know that you are NOT alone!
