Not wanting to be on this boat........

[Buffet]

Unfortunate newcomer here.....Like many others it seems I got the infamous ILYBNILY speech from the W about 4 months ago. I have made all of the mistakes that others have made (begging, pleading, arguing, rationalizing, etc...) So that has not worked and I have stumbled upon this community while looking for marriage saving advice on the net.

Some background on us we are both 30 years old, married for 4 years as of Sept. And have a 2 year old son together. Since the birth of our son things have really fallen apart. While pregnant we bought a house from her grandparents that has been a disaster and caused much stress with us, her parents, her grandparents and my side of the family as well. In addition we have both changed jobs to new fields and also both been promoted to different positions since the change. Last but not least we are also dealing with my father who took his own life about 18 months ago. Whew....!

Since this has all gone down we have both not been very "together" we have chosen to cope in different ways, my being a typical male and not very in touch with my feelings withdrew alot---especially with my fathers death. I also had a hard time adjusting to being a new dad for the first couple of months and didn't do a great job of waking up and such with the new baby(however part of that was due to us breastfeeding, so I could not really help there either).

Things have started to settle down with us getting settled into our jobs and family life is getting better--although still tough on my side. Also, we have done extensive work on the house and that is now up to our standards.

The problem is that somewhere along the line my wife checked out. It hurts to think that we went thru alot together and now when there is light at the end of the tunnel she says she is "done" and cannot give any more.

What is most confusing to me is that she does not want to take any action towards a D, although she says that if I want to be responsible for breaking up the M than I can file. After reading other stories here people would tell me that in itself is ahead of the game, but....She has no interest in any type of emotional, or physical relationship anymore I have been kicked out of the bedroom and she says that she is ok with that until the little guy grows up and than we can get a D. I am not ok with that, I would do anything to get my M back on track but do not want to live my life like a roommate for the next 20 years.

I want a family and a marriage that my W loves me and I love her and support her more than anything. It is hard to think that this might not include my W now, but I don't see her coming around any time. She is very stubborn and once she decides to do something she will pretty much do it.

This is rambling on if anyone wants some more info please ask, but I would love some advice from others that have been here or are going thru this now. I am very lost and going back and forth on what to do to "fix" this.