Some people on this forum will insist your W has OM. Unless you have proof, dont let this get to you. Just because a W wants out of a marriage doesnt always mean there is someone else. Its a possibility, but not always the case.
Sitch: http://snipurl.com/u4zrz
M-11y
D talk-7/28/09 W Moved out-9/01/09 W wants D-9/22/09 W doesnt want D-12/1/09 W Moved in/I Moved out-12/21/09 W wants D-1/19/10 D Final-04/15/10
Some people on this forum will insist your W has OM. Unless you have proof, dont let this get to you. Just because a W wants out of a marriage doesnt always mean there is someone else. Its a possibility, but not always the case.
Brknhrt,
I'm not trying to "get to" ANYBODY. I'm trying to implore him to be careful. Statistics would show that that's the prudent thing to do.
This is a tough lesson to learn (I know -- I was (and still am) a lot like you), but you cannot "make" ANYONE happy. They have to make themselves happy.
One thing I have learned is that while I could not have MADE her happy, I could have done so many things to let my W know I loved her. I dropped the ball on that. I think you can at least HELP someone be happy and you have a responsibility to do so for those you love.
~Mark
Me: 38 W: 34 Together: 9yrs 1st M: may '03 1st D: april '08 1st bomb: june '08 remarried: oct '08 2nd bomb: aug '09 --(W asked for D one week into 3 mo. trial separation which was meant to save our M)
One thing I have learned is that while I could not have MADE her happy, I could have done so many things to let my W know I loved her. I dropped the ball on that. I think you can at least HELP someone be happy and you have a responsibility to do so for those you love.
I agree.
Sitch: http://snipurl.com/u4zrz
M-11y
D talk-7/28/09 W Moved out-9/01/09 W wants D-9/22/09 W doesnt want D-12/1/09 W Moved in/I Moved out-12/21/09 W wants D-1/19/10 D Final-04/15/10
I would have bet the house, my life, and my kids on that before the reality hit me.
Me 42 W 39 Married: 11 Jan 1998, T: Since 1992 First Bomb: Sep 2007 Confirmed A/OM: 4 Nov 2007 Kids: D10, S5 Reconciled and together again after (alot of) time and heartbreak. 3rd kid, S, born 2 Jan 2010.
Signs to look for when your W or GF is seeing OM...
1. Her concentration and focus on most any matter is impaired. She has a hard time making up her mind and sticking to it. Short attention span. 2. Her clothing and hair style changes. Sometimes subtle at first. 3. She might be listening to music she doesn't normally listen to. 4. She has opinions on matters that never interested her in the past. Subjects or hobbies that she found interesting in the past now have no significance to her. 5. She may be dieting and exercising more often. She seems to be more energetic. 6. She contradicts herself often in words and action. 7. She won't make a commitment to anything that requires a 24 hour advanced notice. 8. You notice signs of anger or inpatients at insignificant events or things you say. 9. She's very guarded with her cell phone or email.
Just my observations from my own past experience. Certainly not based on scientific research or anything like that. Just something to chew on.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
Are you sure there's no one else? Her words sure fit the script.
Puppy
I am pretty darn sure about that at this point. She is just not that type of person. I could be wrong but I don't think so.
Did you know she was unhappy in the marriage? claustrophobic? and felt like you controlled her too much and didnt take care of her?
How old is she and what kind of men does she work with?
Quote:
My friends and family are telling me to giver her space and she will miss me and come back to me after she gets her head cleared and realizes what she is throwing away.
you will get alot better advice than that on this site. first you need to investigate what men she is talking to that she needs time away from you. if you just plain stunk as a husband and she was sick of your problems her excuses would have been different.
Some people on this forum will insist your W has OM. Unless you have proof, dont let this get to you. Just because a W wants out of a marriage doesnt always mean there is someone else. Its a possibility, but not always the case.
Thanks for that advice. I was thinking of leaving this forum because that seems the standard answer with everyone. I am 99.9% sure there is no other man.
This is a tough lesson to learn (I know -- I was (and still am) a lot like you), but you cannot "make" ANYONE happy. They have to make themselves happy.
One thing I have learned is that while I could not have MADE her happy, I could have done so many things to let my W know I loved her. I dropped the ball on that. I think you can at least HELP someone be happy and you have a responsibility to do so for those you love.
I agree with you. I could have done more things that I know would have made her happy. She has spent so much time taking care of me and not getting enough back from me that I think she is wiped out and doesn't think I will change. That makes her think that the marriage may not be worth it to her.
Here is a quote from an email she sent me this morning....
"I don’t have any answers. I am so smothered by you that I can’t even have my own thoughts because you are doing nothing but asking me a million and one questions.I need my space and you are not giving me that AT ALL!!!!"
I have moved into the guest bedroom and bathroom and we are passing each other like strangers in the house. This is so difficult.
