Okay, first of all forget any kind of "structured S" b/c she is leaving you so she can have a private place to skr@w around and/or party all she wants and not have to give accountabilty. Now that I have probably shocked you, I'll tell you that you might as well forget any other plans or thoughts you've had b/c I personally think you are going down the wrong path. I don't think you can show "support" to your W......not the way you are thinking of being supportive. Let's get real, real plain here. She is having an A with OM......so are you going to stand on the side and support this? Are you going to tell her that you want to be her "friend" while she is committing adultry? (BTW, how can a person admit infildelity and deny an A?)
Ouch!! Was that a 2 x 4 or a railroad tie? Seriously though, I need to hear the tough love advice b/c this is so confusing and I tend to be a "nice guy" although I am starting to become wary of being a doormat. I absolutely will not sit idly by any longer while she commits adultery, I just want to make sure I make a stand at the right time and in the right way. She says it is not an affair because it was a once or twice thing, a fling I guess. I don't believe this for one minute though, there are still too many red flags flying around here.
Originally Posted By: sandi2
Do you know what would have stopped me on a dime and made me turn away from my OM and start pursuing my H at the time I was almost a WAW? If my H would have been looking at some other woman to date.
I was actually hoping that I could press the dating issue during any discussion of structured S because I was thinking her reaction to the dating question would tell me a lot and may make her think twice (I didn't miss that part of PDT's sitch either!)
Originally Posted By: sandi2
When a W has gotten to the place your W is in.....I think you need to apply tough love. Tell her that you've done some re-thinking about this S, and you believe she has the right idea. The more you think about how it would be to be single again....the more you like it. If she starts asking any questions about you wanting to date any particular person, don't answer her. You have to be cool about this.
Sounds like a character-building 180 to me, I like it! While I don't think I would start up anything serious during a S, I certainly would not hesitate to go on the occasional date in the spirit of GAL. Actually, she is out tonight and I am planning on going to the local bar to watch a game as soon as I finish this post and maybe she will beat me home tonight!
Thanks for taking the time to give me some advice, even if it smarts a bit. I, like most LBHs on the forum really value your opinions. I am finding that it is too easy to fall in the trap of getting hopeful any time there is a positive sign and I definitely Do Not want to become a doormat.
I have to keep reminding myself to work on me and have no expectations of the R right now.
