Yes, she broke all those rules. But she broke an even bigger rule. She denied you your right to your own feelings. The right to one's own feelings, and the idea that those feelings have merit and need to be understood by the spouse, is the basis of the entire weekend.
I think you do need to dialogue with her. I would recommend finding the most softball question you can. Then do the writing. You hold back on your revelations, don't put yourself all the way out there. Then exchange notebooks and see what she did. If she broke rules, call her on it. Tell her that you will not discuss what she has written if it doesn't meet the rules. And don't show NO interest in what she has written if it does not conform to the rules.
What she is doing is called unfair fighting. It is equivalent to a boxer hitting below the belt or biting. The only reason to fight unfair is if the person believes he/she can't win a fair fight. Is her position so weak that she can't present it in a fair way? I
And we can't overlook what Trying is telling us above. Maybe she has OM waiting in the wings to have her fantasy life with. That is the most common reason for sabotaging the Retro process.
