Pup- Thanks for responding. I knew you would say that I need to be completely transparent with him. And, if I didn't know my H, I would agree with you. He has said many times that he wishes he just didn't know about my affair, and whenever it somehow gets brought up he just looks pained. It would do absolutely no good, and he would wish I hadn't told him. He's not like you at all in the way that you needed to know stuff and what you were dealing with, etc.

You think we should separate when neither one of us wants to? It worked for you and Mrs. Pup because she kinda wanted to...right? I don't know. I know the whole Gucci/Robx thing and I see how it can work, but for me, if my H would start dating I would think, "See...I knew he never loved me."

I will be interested to hear how MC works for you both.

And...yes, when you figure out the sex ssm thing, let me know.

Nocode- Bless you for that post, and no you didn't go on a tangent, in my opinion. That helped me. I have the Passionate Marriage book in my hands now. Right after I read your post I left to get it. I think you may be right that I have rewritten history in our sexual past. I like to say that we NEVER had good sex, etc., but I know that is not completely true. HOwever, it went sour fast. If only I could go back to when that happened and got immediate help. It just seems so much worse now, 10 years later.... I would bet my H feels like you did with all of the demands and him not living up to them. He is also very passive-aggressive, and when he saw an individual counselor his counselor said he was. I think my H knows that he would not be getting my mind, body, and soul....I'm just not there yet...and I dont know how to get there. I want to get there!!! The "wait and see" approach is what my H is a master of, and what I did this past year, too. So, thank you for seeing I'm not alone with my h and my feelings. I'm going to read that book and then look into counseling.

Karen- I'm sure my H DOES pick up on stuff from me...but because it wasn't always like this and he is still the same way makes me so sad and angry at the same time. I thought about the SSM book...will look at that next. Thanks for checking on me.

Kat- I'm at the point where I think I'd like it if my H would manipulate me to make love just to know he wanted it. COunseling....step two. Thanks.