Newbie with almost WAW - Need Advice

[sandi2]

I feel that if we S, it should be structured with expectations discussed and agreed upon. Is it a good move to press her for a structured S if she does proceed? Does it even matter if she has OM and is not being transparent about her motive for S? I know that there is nothing that I can do to stop S but I am so confused as to how to handle this from a DB point of view.

Okay, first of all forget any kind of "structured S" b/c she is leaving you so she can have a private place to skr@w around and/or party all she wants and not have to give accountabilty. Now that I have probably shocked you, I'll tell you that you might as well forget any other plans or thoughts you've had b/c I personally think you are going down the wrong path. I don't think you can show "support" to your W......not the way you are thinking of being supportive. Let's get real, real plain here. She is having an A with OM......so are you going to stand on the side and support this? Are you going to tell her that you want to be her "friend" while she is committing adultry? (BTW, how can a person admit infildelity and deny an A?)

Do you know what would have stopped me on a dime and made me turn away from my OM and start pursuing my H at the time I was almost a WAW? If my H would have been looking at some other woman to date. If I thought some other woman was chasing him, I would not have been so sure about leaving. Or, if he just wanted to be free of me....that would have changed my feelings. But as long as he acted like a poor little kitten hanging around waiting to see if I was going to pet him......I had no interest what-so-ever in him.

When a W has gotten to the place your W is in.....I think you need to apply tough love. Tell her that you've done some re-thinking about this S, and you believe she has the right idea. The more you think about how it would be to be single again....the more you like it. If she starts asking any questions about you wanting to date any particular person, don't answer her. You have to be cool about this.

That is my opinion and I used to would not have told this, (even though I knew it would work), but after seeing what happen in PDT's stitch, then I don't hold back like I use to. His WAW went back home to him, but there was no attraction as far as she was concerned. So, they S and as soon as she heard he had went on a date, she was crying and wanting him to stop seeing others. Suddenly, her tune changed and she was very attracted to him.

So, you do what you feel comfortable with, but if your W has any feelings for you at all, then she will not want you to be seeing other women.

Even if you don't want to date....you could tell her that you would enjoy being "single" for a change. You don't have to explain anything about "dating". You see, she will S from you...regardless of any discussion. Having a "discussion" is a joke b/c she has already made up her mind. She is simply preparing you for what she is going to do! What she doesn't expect, is for you to "want" a S. So, why not do a 180 and beat her to the punch? Then see how she feels about it. At this particular time, you can't afford to really bare you soul to her.....as much as you would like to. The name of the game, for now, is playing it cool.

I don't want to talk you into anything that goes against your belief system. I am simply telling you what I think will work the best. But if you decide you don't want to do what I suggest, at least don't agree with all that stuff she says about the "reason" she is leaving you. That is a farce. She is not leaving you based upon the fact you have so many things wrong with you. She is leaving b/c she wants to be free to be involed with other men. If this man doesn't work out, she wants to be able to party around and see others. That is laying it on the line, but that is the way it truly is and she is just playing you.