No walk but nice work Cas!! At least you got two positive responses from H ... one that he wanted to walk (pending time) and second that he let you know that he was unable to make it, rather than just not turning up!
I wouldn't be too concerned over not being able to think about the right thing to say when he did turn up ... it's better that than running off at the mouth for the sake of words, and then getting it all wrong.
Well done! How do you feel now ... ready to have another go in a few more days time??
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
I say getting respect from him is a good start! That he was polite enough to say he wouldnt make it instead of leaving you hanging around! Thanks for your words of encouragement on my thread much appreciated.
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
I think that is great that H openly stayed for a bit to talk. I know you said a bit earlier you feel yourself moving away from H. Do you still feel that way now that you have had some contact with him?
Hi Nell, Rabbit and Oz, Thanks for your feedback. I'm always interested in what others have to say. The tone of H's texts were positive and as you say, respectful. (He is usually respectful until he gets too close and that's when he usually loses it. However, the period of respect and positivity lasts longer and the disrespect and silence from him is shorter. This time however, I have been very, very clear that I will not be in contact again the minute that there is disrespect.)
I think he wants to maintain contact because any time I contact him, he always replies and quite fully. It used to be ok, yes or no. He thanks me more frequently now, as well.
For now I am the one who has to initiate slowly but surely. Last night I sent him a text about our D and his reply was quite long and considered. We text back and forth several times. I finished the convo first. Today I text him when I was at work to see if he could help me with a technical problem; haven't got him to problem solve for me at work for a long time and this is his expertise. He said to call him and gave me his home no. He was both pleasant and helpful.
Oz, I think whenever we are alone or in a comfortable family setting like dinner we have an awkward beginning but then the convo flows fairly easily. The awkwardness yesterday was like when you meet someone new. I guess it was because it was an unexpected visit and I hadn't planned it in my mind. I did however, stand back at observe him and I wanted to give him a hug and say everything is fine; I don't know but that's the feeling I had. He doesn't exude happiness. Maybe that's a facade.
I have also detached a little and I think this is good because when I do see him I am not as anxious and desperate for him to accept an invite, or to stay longer etc. He has to be feeling that, too. If nothing else we will end up as friends and that has to be better than enemy territory!
I still maintain that H stuffed up and knows that but he's in too deep and he's too proud to acknowledge his mistake. Just my thoughts and I could be wrong (and I am pretty often!!)In the meantime I'm trying to respect him and move slowly, slowly.
It sounds like your H is ready to start turning a corner ... ?? Certainly, he is respecting your boundaries and is accepting of your conditions. That's so positive Cas - I can only imagine the amount of self control it has taken you to get him this far.
It's good that you feel that amount of detachment so as to lower your anxiety levels ... I think that I can relate to that and it's what allowed us to have a more positive day on Sunday. That bit surely DOES work!
It's so hard not being able to hug H when he is right in front of you. It takes every inch of moral fibre, right ... especially when you are 'acting as if' and everything appears to be going quite nicely.
Oh, btw, the book that you told me about is now in the library and I will pick it up on Saturday! Looks like they have sent it to the wrong library however, so I hope that it's there. I must ring them tomorrow!
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
I think it all sounds positive for you Cas, the texting with longer than normal responses is great.
Detaching does help a lot, I think it protects you in a way from any further hurt and allows you to deal with issues as they arise in a cool calm manner.
I would say he has a new respect for you Cas which is great. As you say slowly slowly.
