Over the Shock and GALing 6

[tryingtilDorR]

Thinker - I have been to Retrouvaille and from what I saw (but not expereinced first-hand) the most potential for movement is during the post-sessions. Don't be overly-dissappointed about the weekend. I feel like the weekend is the introduction, but the healing is later. They continually remind you that you took a long time to get where you are, so it is going to take a while to unbury the M.

I had a similar experience, but my W didn't blatantly disobey the dialog rules. She was just indifferent for the most part. I later realized she was heavily engaged in an EA at the time which had an impact.

However, the weekend was a turning point for me and gave me the added strength I needed to face down some pretty rough times over the past six months. It made me realize that our problems are not as bad as many others who had found a way to recover when the M seemed hopeless, which gave me a ton of conviction to see it through no matter how bad things seemed.

I was also able to communicate to her how sorry I was for my contributions to our problems, and also really understand them in a new light. I will never forget the weekend.

I got a similar answer from my W on the "why do I want to live" question, but my W was more subtle. She went on to describe EVERYTHING that brings joy to her life (except OM) and me and/or our M was NEVER mentioned. I asked her about this at a later time and she said "That should tell you something."

That told me how much of an uphill battle I was facing. It sounds like you are in the same boat. At the time I think my W was doing it because she was 'forced' and also wanted to hold it up as something she did to 'try'.

We ended up going to ALL post sessions, but she was going through the motions the whole time. It was week-to-week and she would not want to go at times but did anyway. After about the 4th post-session I discovered all the details of the EA and busted it. She had been talking to OM after the post-sessions for an hour+ even! I also noticed that the OM stepped up contacting her a lot more during the whole process.

Since then we have had our ups and downs but we are still 'separated' in our own house for now.

I am still glad we did it though, and some day you maybe as well. Was the timing perfect with her going through the EA? No. However, if she ever is willing to open herself up she may remember what we learned there and put it to use.

Also, I wouldn't be against going again if the situation improved and she wanted to work on the M - I have heard of people who did that.

My W didn't like doing the dialog either so we were kind of spotty on that - but again, she was involved with an EA most of the time, and the aftermath of busting it which triggered depression and lots of emotional arguments between us.


Hang in there. We did it and it didn't "Work" neccessarily, but she is still here and I am finally successfully detatching.