i spend so much time blaming myself for your mistakes. i wonder why i do then i think maybe it's because if I blame you then I will hate you. you are the one who has broken our marriage vows and given your emotions to someone who is not your wife. you are the one who has told lie after lie. you are the one who is in denial and is completely self-centered. for several months I have stood by and watched you completely destroy everything good in your life. i have prayed, wished, begged, and pleaded with God that you come back to me and our S.
here i am, in the midst of it all, once again crying because I still love you. here i am, feeling broken and betrayed. here i am, wanting to grasp onto any little bit of hope you give me. here i am, waiting for you to come back to me. here i am, wanting to believe your lies.
you have caused me so much pain. you have taken away my security. you have stomped on my heart.
there are no words to describe the torture I feel inside. the anguish, the pain, the hurt...those are the feelings i am left with.
i no longer want to feel this way. i want to say i no longer love you but we both know that's a lie.
i wish you cared. i wish you loved me the way you once did. i wish this wasn't happening. i wish i could disappear.
i know someday i will forgive you. i know someday i will be okay. what i don't know is if you will be there when it happens.
my dear husband i hope i stop blaming myself for what you have done.
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
