Re: accepting compliments. I pulled this off one of SP's older threads, (very slightly modified to depersonalize it) because it seemed possibly relevant to your musings here:
Originally Posted By: aliveandkicking
There have been recent studies on positive affirmations and how if they don't align with how you feel about yourself, they can actually compel you to defend your position more (internally) and feel like worse sh*t about yourself. This is not conscious stuff. If you tell someone who is overweight that they look skinny, they will argue their case with you. And, as I recall sharing with you in the alt, there is no bypassing a person's own perception of him/her-self.
If (she) felt ugly and didn't even want to see a picture of herself, she was experiencing insecurity that was damaging your R (duh)...but it was not out of viciousness that she didn't accept your compliments or advances, it was out of her experiencing an unpleasant sensation because it didn't match or hold true. AND, some of this can be due to her insecurities, issues etc and some due to your delivery or non-delivery in other areas of the R...
.... to which I eventually replied .....
Originally Posted By: Kettricken
I have a theory about this (surprise) and not just as it applies to (this particular woman) -- I think it's a recurring pattern with WAWs. It's like when your mom tells you you're pretty, smart, the best girl in the class. It's nice .... but it means, not a lot. It's your MOM. Bias much? Similarly, when your long-time husband gives you the eye or the drool, if YOU don't believe you're sexually attractive/beautiful, it can mean ... not much. Either .... "well, he HAS to say that stuff; if he's gonna have sex it will be with me, so he has an agenda here" ... or more subtle. With certain personalities, it seems like people who get too close to us (immediate family members, long-term spouses) become so closely identified with our own self-concepts that WE we attribute our opinions about our bodies,etc, to them. Thus the "something off" feeling referenced above.
Not healthy, woah nellie, by a long shot. But possibly, informative. I wonder if the above explains why some women who experience (an OM) subsequently become more willing to believe the "Hel-LO Nurse!" from their husbands, because now that opinion has been confirmed by an outside so-called "neutral party" with no commitments.
Just something to think about.
Not a reason to stop complimenting; by all means carry on with that, when it's sincere. But understand why you *might* not be getting a positive response.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
