Hope and heartache

[RedSoxFan]

Loving someone enough to set them free...I agree completely. But other than your children and your parents, you should love no one unconditionally. To do so shows weakness and lack of self respect.

Actually not. It shows the ultimate in strength and is necessary for healing. Regardless of the outcome in my personal sitch I'm striving to reach this goal. The book Mars and Venus Starting Over by John Gray does a good job of covering this. I highly recommend it for anyone who needs to heal from a loss of love.

[ClingingToHope]

Thanks Awest, so tough to see that look of indifference and the tone of uncaring and imagine that somehow the wall of ice will ever melt.

Spent the weekend in Chicago working at the Chicago Marathon. A friend worked with me and he has an interesting story. He spent about two years going out every night on his W. He was still smoking dope like he was a high school senior. He says he never cheated, but I've heard differently.

He moved out once, was tossed out once. And his wife, who used to be friends with my W, has taken him back twice. Now, even though he hasn't worked this year because he doesn't have a lot of job skills, things are good between them. He stopped going out. Started actively watching the kids. He does the cooking so his wife can thrive in her job.

I talk to him and I can't help but be jealous. His wife believed he would someday grow up and he has. I may have screwed up in a million little ways, but I was dedicated to my W and family and yet -- as I've been told four times -- my M is ending.

I kept up with the NC with W, which is only since Tuesday so it's no big streak yet. W called twice on Saturday. She lost her check card and had to cancel it and she was warning they may have put a freeze on mine -- we still have joint accounts. She called later to ask about our property assessment challenge. We challenged our assessment. I helped her do the research and fill out the form about two months ago.

We won. If she's unable to sell the house it'll save her about $80 a month next year when the tax formulas change. She said "cool."

Then Sunday I got a text about my Wednesday surgery. She still hasn't asked what I'm having surgery for. Instead, she texted asking what night I want the kids. If not Wednesday, then I could do it Monday, Tuesday or Thursday.

I haven't responded yet. I play basketball Monday, have a marriage rebuilders class (second round) Tuesday. Now, I don't know how well I'll be feeling by Thursday night, but that's the night I'll have them over because it's my weekend with them. I'll have them Thursday through Monday and I won't have to see W even once.

It's just hernia surgery. I should be mobile enough on Thursday. Friday, I was going to take them to the movies. Saturday, they are having a sleepover and Sunday is church and maybe a museum.

I'll make it.

[ClingingToHope]

Just got off phone with W. She called because they are piling more work on her at her job. She did tell me six weeks ago the "one" thing she misses about me is that she could vent about her job.

I almost made up an excuse to get off the phone -- since she is so adamant about a D why should I have to listen to her complain about work -- but she sounded pretty stressed so I listened.

I tried to use the Faber listening methods, to let her talk, reflect back what she was saying. The DB/DR points are every interaction is a chance to rebuild things.

In the end, I'm not sure if she called me because I'll listen about work or if she was warning me the schedule might change.

[mishka422]

In the end, I'm not sure if she called me because I'll listen about work or if she was warning me the schedule might change.

Probably a little of both.

[awest1217]

Hang in there and keep venting. If W does not turn around at least you will have changed. Keep it up! Even a little call to say she missed what a good listener you are is a good thing, don't ruin it by second guessing her motives. Take it as a very tiny step that at least she is remembering some good things. Hope you have a great week and I will pray for you with your surgery.

[ClingingToHope]

Thanks Awest, how was your weekend?

[ClingingToHope]

Nothing much too add. Hernia surgery tomorrow. W never did ask what I was having surgery for. She hinted in a text that she asked the girls and they couldn't tell her.

I told the girls it was stomach surgery and not to worry.

I plan on having my neighbor drive me by the house after I'm discharged tomorrow so they don't worry.

I'm scheduled to have them Thursday through Monday morning and plan to keep the schedule unless I'm dying.

Today, just one call from W. D10 hurt her knee and missed the bus and could I pick her up? Sure. OK, goodbye.

I sent her a text later reminding her to pick up D10 from swimming -- her knee wasn't too bad to miss swimming practice.

Went to the first session of the second round of Marriage Rebuilders class at my church. Now that I've accepted the M is over and the Divorce train is rumbling along faster than ever, it wasn't as emotionally charged.

It was good information and it was nice seeing the people from my table. What I'm learning won't help me much with W, but it will help me with my girls and whoever else is out there for me.

[ClingingToHope]

Off to the hospital. Just had a negative thought though. This is really going to slow me down for the next three to four weeks -- no basketball, no racketball, etc.

More sitting. Haven't done a lot of that in the last five months. I hope the walls don't close in on me.

[mishka422]

Just keep coming here. We'll do our best to keep the walls at bay.

[mishka422]

Prayers are being said for a successful surgery.