He he - I was just checking in - was too exhausted to post last night.
Well - good and bad. We did have a great time spending that time together talking.
I can summarize W's perspective as - she loves everything about me, about our relationship - but wrote that she has a 10 out of 10 sense of hopelessness about our sexual / intimate relationship.
In our last exercise, I wrote that I know what she's missing. That the things I feel I have somehow not shown her. But that I do feel those things, the passion for her.
She started crying when she read this, and said "I want to hit you." We talked about all this.
I spent some time crying too - 10/10 sense of hopelessness, that just seems to say it all. I felt at rock bottom after that.
She did say that she felt very close to me after the weekend. We drove home seperately, and when we got home she said that she wanted to be joined at the hip with me. Pulled me into a room and said that, all these good things about our relationship - that she doesn't think she'll find someone else like me - that there's just this one thing, but it's a big thing...
So, the rest of the night, she kept pulling me close... like while we were watching a movie with the kids. She wend to bed, then came back up to talk to me - said that she was very confused about me right now.
She has agreed to keep "dialogueing" with me - the technique presented at the weekend - said that we should go out together - said that she's not working on it, but clearly she's willing to do SOMETHING like that.
So, no breakthrough - and at points I was at a point of dispair. RIght now, i don't know.
After we got home, she asked me what passion felt like to me - we talked about how I experience it, and she received it well - we agreed that our last weekend, when we were out, she had seen passion from me that she hadn't seen before, while we were kissing.
I had written to her that I don't know why things are like this. Part of it is medical - I am being treated for low testosorone - but part of it is, somehow in our dynamic, it's true I have rarely showed her raw passion. I've been conservative, reserved with her - and she said that she experiences a very high libedo, she craves sex every day...
So there we are. I don't know if I'm hopeful, or what. But we did re-connect. There is SO MUCH there.
She said this morning she woke up crying, and emailed her friend about the weekend. Now we're back in real life, I don't know.
Right now I'm going to capitolize on the openness - see where this goes to.
It was an intense, exhausting, weekend. Definitely closer, but clearly no miracle.
