Magnificent

[karen43]

So....do I tell Gabe he has to have Marc and get him to his testing because that is what was supposed to happen or just suck it up, cancel my Saturday plans to play taxi, and paste a smile on my face?

Put that way, it sounds totally selfish of me to be mad that I'm missing my stuff for my child. Bad mom.

I don't think you're selfish at all. Gabe is the one that is trying to get out of being a dad, when it's not convenient for him or the broom or whatever. I would text him you have plans you can't cancel, and maybe you could meet with your cousin and go to the Highland Games, or take your cousin to the Highland Games, etc.

You know I was like that for years, and one thing of many I've learned this past couple years is when you have a special-needs child you NEED a break and time for yourself!!!! It's not selfish, it's necessary!!!

[kat727]

His weekend is his weekend. If there is some issue with it, he will need to figure out how to get Marc where he needs to be. Time to man up and be a Dad.

As for what you let him know about your plans, they are unbreakable and since it isn't your weekend, it isn't really an issue.

kat

[mishka422]

I've taken the approach with him today that it's his weekend, his responsibility to figure out how to handle Marc and the broom's son together. He claims Marc doesn't want to be there when her son is, Marc claims that Gabe doesn't want him there when her son is. Gabe says he'll pick Marc up Saturday morning. Not, Friday night when he's supposed to, Saturday morning....for the day....that's it. Not keeping him overnight, not doing anything he's 'supposed' to do.

WTH do I do? I want to call him and scream at him. Tell him he's a lousy freakin' SOB and he needs to just stay out of Marc's life and not do him any 'favors' by showing up when it's convenient for him. GOOD GOD!

[BobbiJo]

Can you just say, "sorry, I have overnight plans Saturday, you can't bring him home cause I won't be there"????

Grrrrr....

[mishka422]

The problem is that my mom is there (although she is not capable of handling any kind of an emergency and Marc is the one who ends up taking care of her instead) and Gabe knows that.

I talked to him this afternoon because the texting was getting to me. Before I talked to him I called Marc to ask him what he wanted. If he had really said he didn't want to be at Gabe's when the broom's son is there. He said he is sick of him and doesn't want to be around 'the baby'. Also, the broom told him (Marc - not Gabe) that she doesn't want him there when her son is there because she doesn't want him getting hurt. Umm...so the broom is going to dictate when Marc can be at his dad's apparently.

I called Gabe and asked him what his plan is for Marc this weekend. Surprise, surprise...he doesn't have one. Marc doesn't want to be there with her son. Gabe said he would pick him up Saturday morning and spend the day with him and take him to his karate testing. That was before Marc failed his 10 minute drill tonight and tomorrow is his last chance and he has to pass it TWICE! I told Gabe that I had plans this weekend and wouldn't be home and that I made the plans with the expectation that Marc would be with him. His response? Well, Marc doesn't have to be watched every minute. I told him that I don't make plans other than work on my weekends with Marc as he is my responsibility, not my mom's. He kind of grunted and him-hawed around that one. He kept repeating that Marc is perfectly fine fixing his own food and watching tv and stuff. Whatever. The concept that being parent means being responsible for your child at ALL TIMES is beyond him. He doesn't remember how to be a father since he's just an every once in a while visitor in his son's life now. How do you just forget 13 years of being a parent? The full time job of it? He's clueless.

FYI - he was fishing for information about where I was going this weekend. I didn't tell him. I wanted to be really rotten and blurt out that I was going away for the weekend to have hot sex with random men but I knew he wouldn't fall for it! It would have been deliciously evil though.

[BobbiJo]

Oh that would have been deliciously evil...

[mishka422]

I always think of the great comebacks LONG after the fact.

Oh well..I'm off to see the C tomorrow afternoon. Lots to try to get done in the morning. Even though the pay cut kills me, the one day off per week sure does help me to get some things accomplished.

[dday101798]

Mish,

Stand firm. "I MADE PLANS". What they are are NONE of his business and I'm sure you know that. And to hell with 'the broom'. I wouldn't even fold on Friday night's scheduled pickup, tell him to man up and a f'n father already, TO HIS CHILD. This "man" needs a serious talking to, and just reading this, I'm pissed enough to GLADLY volunteer.

[mishka422]

Well Dylan, if you find me in the alt I'll give you his number!

I'm just resolved to the fact that he will never be a true parent. Father, yes. Dad....not anymore. He doesn't have it in him to be that. Too self absorbed. It's a shame that Marc is going to have to go through his volatile teenage years with just me to help him through, but that's just how it's going to have to be. I can't make Gabe man up. I can't do anything about anything. I feel it's just more important to keep peace than to try to force Marc into a situation he doesn't want or need to be in.

Gabe can sit and spin for all I care. Seriously....he's dead to me.

[MichelleLT]

Ugh. Well, glad you told him you have plans.

Stand firm.

It's his weekend, his problem. I can't believe how little time he spends with Marc. Well, actually, I can. I just think it's positively shameful.

Just tell him you need more notice to switch weekends.

While he's right that Marc can take care of himself for small periods of time (and I'm very glad of that because that takes some stress off you!) that's still not cool of him.