Really? If she did decide at this point she wanted back with you, what would you do?
I really, really don't know.
It would obviously be a COMPLETE restart. The R and M we had is dead and buried. At least in my mindset. Her negativity towards me says that it's probably not so yet on her end, but each time I tell her 'it's over' she seems to let go more and more.
I guess the problem lies in that eye contact. That's where I faultered Friday. I have normally not butt my way in when she's having an issue with one of the kids, but S11 was being downright nasty to her and I couldn't take it. She knows I do my best to get my point across with them and not have to get loud about it, but I had no choice. The look in her eyes afterward could be summed as thankful with a hint of admiriation. And when I spilled it all out there, those eyes just affixed on mine and there's just that feeling that has NEVER left. That feeling of 'who are you? You facinate me, and I connect with you' just has never been erased. Even at our most heated times, it was always there and I know I can trust it. Like I've said, I've never gotten the 'i love you, but I'm not in love with you speech', NEVER.
So, I don't know. It would take a long, long time, IF it were every possible. And that "IF" is not dependent upon me. I do know, should that "IF" never get a chance, we'll always regret what we've done.
And before it starts, no, I'm not back-sliding. And no, I'm not on a downhill ride. It's always been like this.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
