Stepping out and Stepping UP!

[cagzmom]

moving forward is so strange.

i still think of x often. (probably stems from the recent move) but my desire to "KNOW" what is going on in his life is SLOWLY diminishing.

saw him at d13's game on Saturday. Was kinda oblivious to him -- not even purposefully (so different from 2 years ago). We talked after the game... he said something.. he lied (yet again).. and all I said was "I would like to believe you, but you lie..." and he said "why would I lie.. there is no reason to" and I said "I know thats what is so confusing..." and we moved on to another topic.

He lies about lieing. Dumb.

I do miss having someone in my life for ME.. You know not one of my children (though I ADORE THEM) but someone for me. Yet I know I truly do NOT have time for it right now.. not enough to invest in a relationship... but then I think "hmm dating someone would be fun.." but then again... I would have to have people to date! HA!

This divorced over 40 thing really bites!! Men - I know it is hard but you have it so much easier... there is alot of us and few of you (or few of the good ones!!) I guess I just trodd on... not looking anymore... really not. I mean DO NOT get me wrong.. I notice the men -- but you know what... if GOD wants me to have someone I have to truly believe that He alone will bring him to me.

So.. for now I trodd on.. Forward motion.. Forward thinking. Remembering the past and what good was there. Refusing to be crushed by the disappointment of my midlife and what I dreamed of. I just trodd forward.... believing and finally having some hope again.