hate saying this-- love watching d13 play softball..but seeing x ugh.... can't wait for a reprieve for awhile...no him is a very very good thing. and now with the house i dont need to even talk to him when he picks up d13.
reallllllllllllllllly want to be "over it"
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
i still think of x often. (probably stems from the recent move) but my desire to "KNOW" what is going on in his life is SLOWLY diminishing.
saw him at d13's game on Saturday. Was kinda oblivious to him -- not even purposefully (so different from 2 years ago). We talked after the game... he said something.. he lied (yet again).. and all I said was "I would like to believe you, but you lie..." and he said "why would I lie.. there is no reason to" and I said "I know thats what is so confusing..." and we moved on to another topic.
He lies about lieing. Dumb.
I do miss having someone in my life for ME.. You know not one of my children (though I ADORE THEM) but someone for me. Yet I know I truly do NOT have time for it right now.. not enough to invest in a relationship... but then I think "hmm dating someone would be fun.." but then again... I would have to have people to date! HA!
This divorced over 40 thing really bites!! Men - I know it is hard but you have it so much easier... there is alot of us and few of you (or few of the good ones!!) I guess I just trodd on... not looking anymore... really not. I mean DO NOT get me wrong.. I notice the men -- but you know what... if GOD wants me to have someone I have to truly believe that He alone will bring him to me.
So.. for now I trodd on.. Forward motion.. Forward thinking. Remembering the past and what good was there. Refusing to be crushed by the disappointment of my midlife and what I dreamed of. I just trodd forward.... believing and finally having some hope again.
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
Hey Cagz....I know how you feel about having to see xh...I am doing so much better since I dont see mine so much anymore! Its definitely good for me. I hope you are moving forward and living your life to the fullest!!
Take Care!!
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
C It seems like there are not a lot of men over 40 but all it takes is 1 keep going sometimes things happen not when we expect but they just happen yu sound strong I too was so disappointed in my mid life but I think in 10 years I will look back and see it as the best time in my life] not b/c of the pain but b/c of waht the pain gave me peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Dating in the 40's is difficult. You have to be selective and careful, especially if you have young children in the home.
I use to worry about not having a man around. Now not so much. I know I can do this and hope one day I get a second chance at a good solid relationship with a mature man.
I want to be in love again, but in a realistic way, not a MLC way
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
i am sure the weather doesn't help -- and the looming holidays approaching. (yes it is only October yet all of stores say different. AND as strange as it may seem decorating and getting my own home together - not having x involved brings its own bit of emotion as well.
the sadness today was really over growth. over who i am today .. I guess it is strange because I know taht I am different then I was 2 1/2 years ago - but even more I am different then I was 5 years ago when we moved here.
I was so very angry with x... so very angry. my C called it destaine... and he was right. And today loomed the guilt of the anger -- and satans attack that I was the sole reason for the end of my marriage.
I do think coming to terms with our part in the relationship and the ending of the relationship is very important.. VERY. BUT I can NOT and WILL not take ownership for things I did not do.. and that was what my heart wanted to do today.. I even thought of calling him to apologize.
I guess what today brought to me was the reminder of how deeply i loved...and how badly I wanted - and probably do still want my marriage.
thank goodness there is tomorrow.
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
We all have days or moments like this. As time goes on they do get less painful. Take ownership of your small part, but not any more. No matter what, I truly believe we could not have prevented the MLC. It is what these guys have to experience and go through.
I use to really want my ex back, now what I really want is just a small acknowlegement of the damage he has done. I probably won't get this, I know. I will make it no matter what. It just would be nice.
Don't think about the holidays quite so soon. You don't know what is around the corner.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Don't think about the holidays quite so soon. You don't know what is around the corner.
T- you tell me not to think about them yet... but here today X decides to text. "do I have the kids for thanksgiving??" Yes the fing reminders are around me way to often!
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
