Gotta Keep Trying 2

[mishka422]

I would be interested in knowing if there is anything that a spouse/partner can do to help someone realize that the compliments we give them ARE sincere.

Honestly GAG, I don't know if there is. My H used to compliment me sometimes early in our M and I would snort derisively and blow it off. Other people would give me a compliment about something and I would tell them why they were wrong to compliment with a dismissive comment. Why? Because I don't believe it for a second. My mind immediately thinks they are just playing lip service to keep me at ease, not that they really mean what they said.

On about my 3rd C session I came in after just having blow dried my hair instead of putting it up in a clip in my rush out the door. The C said that my hair looked really nice and flattering down around my shoulders like that. My comment back? "It needs a trim in a bad way and is totally out of control right now." She hopped on it and told me that I needed to learn to accept a compliment for what it was....just an observation of the current state of affairs....not a subvertive way of criticising me.

If my H had complimented me about something over the last several years of our M, I couldn't tell you. He didn't as far as I can remember so I don't know what he could have done to make me believe it. I can tell you that if he had suddenly started doing it though after years of not saying a word, it would have raised my hackles and made me extremely suspicious of his motives.