Living with an MLCer, makes you WANT to try to set goals for them. To try to wake them up faster, to minimize the damage to the kids, to make it easier on yourself, and a whole host of other reasons.
Unfortunately, that really doesn’t work very well.
He will not reach your goals right now. At least not in the way you hope for. Unfortunately, by doing that you are setting yourself up for disappointment because you have expectations of what you would like to see. So at this point, you are only hurting yourself, even if you don’t realize it.
Your goals, even with regards to the house, have to be for you now. Things that you can do, will learn to do, whatever. If he decides to do something, boy what a nice surprise. But you cannot count of him to do any of it. It sucks. But it doesn’t. It is all in your perception.
Your H is the person responsible for HIS relationship with the kids, not you. The only thing you can really do with that is to be the best mother you can be, love them, be there for them, and let him be. And revel in the relationship you are building with your children. Showing them what true strength and grace in the face of adversity looks like. The rewards that you gain from that are immeasurable. As difficult and sad as it is, it is what has to happen.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
