W wants to separate

[notagoodlistener]

Hi all,
I'm new. I've read through a bunch of the threads over the past week or so and figured I would register. I also bought the Divorce Remedy and am about half way through and will probably finish it up tonight.

Background: In a nutshell, I feel so angry at myself for not seeing the severity of the situation and how things have unfolded to where we are now.

Me - 30
W - 29
D - almost 2
M - 5 yrs
Bomb - 10/5

Last week was easily the most painful week of my life. I'm generally a detached guy which is part of the issue, but my wife said that she can't take it anymore. There is no more connection. She has tried to talk to me multiple times and even though I say I'll change that I don't. No she "loves me, but is not in love with me anymore. Not sure she can ever love me again". Standard around here. Essentially, my main faults are that I do not listen to her, I'm selfish both in bed and pretty much just in general. I'm never nasty to her or anything. She actually said that she doesn't have much to say that is bad about me if she were to talk to people, but when I was resolved to get her to open up to me the day after the bomb dropped, I highlighted the 3 root causes.

So, I've slept in the guestroom the past week and have been looking for a place. For the first couple of days I did everything the book and the website tell you not to do. I cried like a little schoolgirl in front of her multiple times. My normal self would punch my last week self in the face. I pleaded and pursued. And, everyday, I seem to screw up at some point. So much pain and self blame though.

After the disaster during the week, I dragged myself out Thursday night and Friday night with some old friends to GAL a little bit. I didn't say where I was going until she asked me yesterday actually. We spent a little time together this weekend. Went for a hike with the dog and daughter one day, took daughter to park. Sort of met eachother at the gym and went to a Bday party for our friends 1yr old (that was hard). Seeing all of the seemingly happy couples and kids running around....

I'm in this difficult spot now where I understand what the book and forums are telling me to do, but it is hard. I told my wife that I'm sorry that it took me until now to understand how severe things were. Her pain has now morphed into anger and detachment like my old wife has gone and left the building. She also noticeably seems to interpret everything I say to her as critical and negative which is not my intention so I'm working on that. I don't know if it is more her trying to find ways to not like me to push me away.

I want to show I care, that I want to change and will do it for real this time. I had the same reaction that others do when they separate. I don't want to completely detach and GAL and then never see her. I already work a ton. I leave early mostly before she's even awake and I get back after 8 most nights. I blame my job a little bit for me not making changes and making things work, but that is just an excuse and obviously not an acceptable one.

I'm dying over here. You guys all seem pretty tough from your stories, but I can't even think straight at work anymore. I work out alot as it is, so I try to vent that way..ran 8 miles before work this morning as hard as I could just to try and move the pain from my heart to the rest of my body.

I just thought I'd introduce myself. I don't even know what to ask at this point. I love my wife so much. She is a smart, beautiful and caring person who I just totally let slip away. Now I don't know what to do. I want to just make her dinner, write her letters, talk about her day and all the things I should have been doing but now I feel like it is too late.

Thanks for "listening" since I'm horrible at it.