Yesterday was fun...but last night was rough. Nothing happened, I just became more resolved that getting a divorce is NOT what I want.
I had a chance to golf and spend a second sunday without my kids doing something other than just sitting around feeling sorry for myself.
I am proud that I have gotten out, taken time to rebuild myself and take a break from being sad. However, at the end of the day, I realized that I didn't have my W to talk about the day with. I didn't want anyone else, but her.
She told me it hurt to see me doing things she always asked me to do. I guess that is good, right? I know I need to let my actions speak for me and stay the course. I have my father in law telling me that he agree's, but at some point I need to let my wife know that I am NOT over her and that I do love her. He said my actions can only speak louder than words if my W see's them and that by being seperated, she can't see them, and what she does see, she can interpret in differnt ways.
How do you balance this? We are supposed to be filing BY 10/23. Do I go through with it and not say anything? Act like I am okay with it? Or is there a point where I stop and say, "listen, I agree to do this with you because I know I can't make you happy, but I want you to know that I would prefer to try to fix our marriage one more time. If you are sure this is what you want, then we will go inside and sign, but if you are not 100% positive, then let's wait". Or something like that...
She emailed me as I was writting this to say that she has "heard" that I am seeing someone. Jez, small town...
I did reply to her and told her it was not true. I didn't embelish much, but I don't want her to think that I am seeing someone.
