So, I think I handled it all well, although I'm sure many would say I needed to tell my H about the call and email. I disagree. Again, we have enough problems. If he looked at the email (which he can at any time) he would just see that the OM still thinks about me and that I don't respond to him.
No, he would see that the OM still thinks about you, that you don't respond to him, and that you don't tell your husband about it and that you're keeping secrets from him and not being completely transparent with him.
WDID, you already know the answer to this -- it's not the way to go. You need to tell him.
As far as me and the fetching Mrs. Puppy go, I know you say you don't want to separate, but I honestly don't think we would have had our breakthough without it. I even doubt that if we separated, but didn't initially agree to date other people, that she would have come around. Reading all of Gucci's and Robx's stuff over the past several months, coupled with my own observations of my wife's sudden "180" on the dating other people thing, has led me to believe this.
It's why I'm STILL wary about leaping fully back into my marriage, and giving up my own place. I've now been sleeping at my wife's house nearly every night, and she's (nicely) pressuring me to bring more stuff over and just commit to it, but I'm hesitant, and I've been sharing those fears with her in some pretty candid talks. We're both looking forward to our MC session this Friday -- our first with this MC -- and I think the woman can help us deal with these fears and insecurities.
I'm sorry I'm not more help on the sexual side of this. As a guy with a long-term (20-year) SSM, interspersed with periods of sexual and connubial bliss, I'm still at a loss as to recommend to others how to keep the latter going. If I ever figure it out, I'll let you know!!
