Over the Shock and GALing 6

[Thinker]

Hi All,

Just following up to let you know that although I learned some good things at the Retrovaille weekend, from the perspective of the R between me and my W it has so far been an absolute bust.

There was no breakthrough. By Sunday noon we were at an absolute low point, a stalemate, and closer to D than we have been.

The weekend was all about exercises to share emotions - write answers to questions separately, and then exchange notebooks. She didn't answer the questions.

Asked "Describe a feeling that you find hardest to share with your spouse? (ie just talk about a strong emotion, without the causes), she wrote "I don't want to share any feelings with you because you never...and you always..."

Each time I opened up in response to a question, she would bludgen me with subtle snide comments in return. (ie "It's about time you...").

In an emotional section on "Why do I want to keep on living?", She wrote mostly about how unhappy she was (and it's ALL because of me) and then added (in essence) "I see myself just now starting to have a wonderful life and a wonderful future, but I don't see you in it!"

I was ready to walk out a number of times - not because of the intensity of the program, but anger at her.

And when I got angry she would bludgen me with the program: "What was all that talk about forgiveness yesterday and then you are angry today -- see how you always are, you..."

Last night and today I have been more angry than I have ever been - completely irrational at times.

I was so angry last night that I had to get up and go out for a walk (or blow up at her). She followed me and demanded to know where I was going etc. When I didn't want to talk to her, she slammed the door and locked it. I had a key, but the point was when I walked out to cool off and avoid an argument, all the sudden I felt like I had been thrown out of the house. It took me an hour and a half before I could cool down enough to come home rational.

Meanwhile she finished the weekend calm, cool, detached and with an attitude of "What's wrong with you? See- you're all screwed up."

Never get into a land war in Asia, and never get into an emotional fight with an expert emotional victim.