you completely have the right to say this isnt the time for small talk and watching tv together. you hurt me.
I agree, but I wouldn't use the word "hurt." I'd rather see you say something like "Considering what you've been doing lately, I don't think this is the time for small talk and watching TV together. I'm very angry with you."
The "rule," e, if there is one, is to do whatever the "right thing to do" is, or whatever feels AUTHENTIC to you. If YOU really want to watch The Office, and it's DVR'd, you should watch it (although I'd rather see YOU initiate it, rather than respond to her). If you don't, then don't.
She's trying to "normalize" things -- entirely SCRIPT.
PDT...Is it really script for W to normalize things right now? I mean, W says she's wanted out of our M for a while now. I'd expect her to be spending all her energy trying to find an apt so she could get the hell out. I'm just not understanding her motive to "normalize" things. All these head games are maddening.
Last edited by etrain; 10/11/0907:16 PM.
Me-39 W-31 S-4 Bomb- 9/5/09 Discovered EA- 9/15/09 Found "proof" that EA is most likely a PA- 10/8/09 W moved out 10/31/09
W still acting "strange"...cooking big meals, cleaning, grocery shopping, doing laundry, etc. Also starting up an occasional conversation. I don't get it.
Any, I have my 1st appt with a lawyer this afternoon. No S talk this weekend so that worked out well. I can get some advice from a L before I commit to any S arrangements.
Me-39 W-31 S-4 Bomb- 9/5/09 Discovered EA- 9/15/09 Found "proof" that EA is most likely a PA- 10/8/09 W moved out 10/31/09
W still acting "strange"...cooking big meals, cleaning, grocery shopping, doing laundry, etc. Also starting up an occasional conversation. I don't get it.
Any, I have my 1st appt with a lawyer this afternoon. No S talk this weekend so that worked out well. I can get some advice from a L before I commit to any S arrangements.
It's "script," e. Let's say your wife's first name is Susan; I would call this the "St. Susan" routine, and my wife did the exact same thing.
A typical wayward will swing wildly from "saintly" behavior to "fight-picking" behavior. If you end up finding out for a fact that she knows you exposed, and you continue to get this sort of treatment, I'd encourage you to watch your back. A bile-filled outburst, while unpleasant, is actually "safer" for you I think. This makes me think she's up to something.
Thanks. I am VERY suspicious. I feel like she's setting me up for something. I'm watching our bank accounts very closely and there's nothing unusual there. I can't think of what else she could be up to.
If she's going to find out I exposed, today would be the day, with W & OM back at work & able to communicate using work IM or email. I think that's how they normally contact each other. We'll see. It could be an interesting day.
Me-39 W-31 S-4 Bomb- 9/5/09 Discovered EA- 9/15/09 Found "proof" that EA is most likely a PA- 10/8/09 W moved out 10/31/09
Thanks. I am VERY suspicious. I feel like she's setting me up for something. I'm watching our bank accounts very closely and there's nothing unusual there. I can't think of what else she could be up to.
It's typically LEGAL or FINANCIAL.
Are your finances firewalled? Any joint accounts she could drain suddenly?
You can "monitor," but that may end up being that you monitor a huge withdrawal one of these days, and then your horses are gone before you lock the barn doors.
Does your paycheck get DD'd into a joint account? I'd suggest at a MINIMUM having that go into a separate account that she doesn't have access to, but what you should really do is firewall EVERYTHING, and tell her afterwards why you did it ("because considering your recent behavior and decisions, I felt I needed to protect myself and our family.")
E, I'm not being alarmist or paranoid. Infidelity message boards are riddled with examples of cheating spouses emptying their family's accounts when they flee. Affairs are almost always fueled by RESENTMENT and ENTITLEMENT, and the latter belief can cause a wayward spouse to do some pretty bizarre things.
Thanks for the advice. I was actually going to open up a new account today, before my L appt. But the banks are closed today. My paycheck does get DD'd into our joint checking acct. I did call my bank last week & the only way I can protect the funds in the joint accounts is to withdraw it & deposit it into another account. This will be one of the things I ask the L about today.
Me-39 W-31 S-4 Bomb- 9/5/09 Discovered EA- 9/15/09 Found "proof" that EA is most likely a PA- 10/8/09 W moved out 10/31/09
