Somethings this whole things seems like a struggle as to what to say vs what not to say... good communication vs. good DBing... A lot of times through this process I did feel very controlled, limiting what I said so that there was no pressure, no negative feelings, and as an overall pattern that was good. Some of the big breathroughs, though, seemed to follow from conversations where I finally just said what was on my mind - just straightforward - and she responded to it. It opened up the doors - but maybe because she was ready for it, good timing and all. Ideally in our relationships we should be able to communicate the things that are important to us. There is a point where we need to be less controlled and just trust, I guess, that the right thing to do is to give up the whole honest shebang. We don't want to live our whole lives being guarded - and to some degree I think that the timing has to be less "calculated" and more of - well, this is who I am, and this is what I've got to say, and I trust that you love me enough that it's okay - and to some degree it doesn't MATTER because I'm not going to hide and guard my feelings.
I think that trying to avoid the negativity and pressure comes down to more of the attitude, the feeling of the communication.
Sometimes my W is still distant, doesn't say ILY, whatever, and I've realized that everything going on with her doesn't have to do with me - I give her space, etc. I remind myself that her participation in the R is never something I can expect or extract - it's her choice. But I'm not always her focus... plus, I've got my own job to do bringing postive energy into the R, and maybe that's my way of getting her to respond.
Ah, late-night musings, what I've written might not make any sense. I should get going to bed. Night Zoo, good thoughts your way - {{{{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}
