I am in need of more advise. In the many R talks my W initiated in the last 3 days two big things came out. I will hit on one that I cannot come to grips with. W said there are things she sees in my that are similar to her farther. For these reasons she knows she married the wrong person.
Her father was a drinker, physically abusive, gruff, and not really there for the family. I am none of those. I do k know based on all my reading of late that I was abusive in the sense of words. I am reading when love hurts and started on the MEVAC website. My W said it wasn't always that way. Just when she gave up and let me control her.
My W said I controlled her and she lost her identity. Stay at home mom and the all the trappings. She also said what helped he make her decision was the book the four agreements. It is what she based her decision to leave the marriage.
So my question is what can I do beyond the obvious ( doing MEVAC) to show I am not her father? Our MC (when we went) said that she needed to change that nuropathway as she created that path not me. It started when her father was diagnosed with terminal cancer. It culminated with his death 3 years ago. Her sadness in missing him turned to be pissed off as he did it to himself , smoking for 40 yr. In recent months her mother saying she should have left him be was too chicken was a another factor.
