Yesterdays post was great...today's is another matter

I'm not in the best of moods right now...somewhere between hurt and angry and a little confused

Maybe I shouldn't have had that talk with H last night, maybe it is just the weather, maybe it is just me and my own brain.

I wanted to cry most of this evening...I hate when I get like that Part of it was because H didn't call me today (something he has been pretty good about) and showed up late for supper. Part was because H didn't say ILY first to me this aftenoon and then didn't say it at all when he left for work Yes, he kissed and hugged me and said I'll see you in a few hon but it was almost like he didn't say ILY on purpose. I know I shuold be glad of the other stuff but this is something that has been working well for us and now I have to wonder what is up?

Did I make a mistake by telling him why I was having a bad day when he asked? I did say that I missed his not calling me, that I look foward to the phone call and it makes me feel good. I also pointed out that in the past he usually avoids calling me when he is doing something he knows will upset me. Maybe I shouldn't have said that?? I clarified it by saying that I knew that wasn't the case this time, that I realized he had work to do, but that his phone calls help me to keep at bay my runaway thinking. I later asked if my telling him about my bad mood put him off...he said not at all but I still can't help but wonder.

Should I discuss the whole ILY sitch with him? I mean, I stopped saying it in order to relieve some of the pressure that was on him a few months ago. I also felt that I might have been saying it too much in the wrong context or as a defensive statement. I struggle with this every day because I WANT to say it to him on occasion besides just at night before we go to bed. The few times I have tried it though...just to test the waters...I get an automated response that lacks any shred of sincerity. The only exception is at night before we go to sleep.

H has read DR...he knows about the whole "stop saying ILY" premise. I should think that he would realize how difficult this is for me to do. I guess it is a hang-up of mine My XH2 would not tell me ILY...ever. He felt he didn't need to say it since he was with me...it was something I should have known without needing to hear the words I CANNOT bring xh2 thing with H...that is a definite no-no.

I know I posted some about this ILY sitch on Sage's thread but it is really sucking at my brain and heart right now. I told H that I was doing my best not to take out my bad day on him but this just is going to make it harder for me


Zoo


"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm." - Mahatma Gandhi