The weekend was good. Spent a lot of it resting. On antibs at the moment and need to give them a chance to work. Don`t need my health failing in all of this .
H gone from 6pm Sat til yesterday. No contact as per usual so I made the most of things with the kids.
Went for a short ramble with them yesterday. A beautiful place -old monastery ruins on a hill where I took time out to meditate for while. Really find being in pain helps me hugely to appreciate what I have and I truly do live in a beautiful part of the world-lots of history and spirituality about this place.
I`ve been reflecting too on our R-as it was. Maybe in some ways H hasn`t been the best thing for me. He has said that himself just a few months ago."I am bad for you" I pursued him all through our courtship, not the other way round. Maybe in some way I am addicted to him rather than love him. Maybe there was some part of me drawn to his emotional unavailability.
A good time to reflect on that right now.
A good time to let go.
S12 asked to go to the fun fair yesterday. He recalled last years trip with H and said 'dad was very angry that day' and then'Dad is always angry'
H has a problem. H has always had a problem with his temper. I hope someday he realises this and seriously addresses it for his kids` sakes.
Every meditation I these days brings up something different. Last night I just felt pinned to the floor with the pain in my heart. I couldn`t even cry it out;its just there. But I do feel comfort in meditation and do believe I`ll be ok.
Goal for this week:Sort out my budget sheet for next weeks mediation session(ugh!) Avoid H. Have fun with the kids and the puppy
